Friday, February 8, 2008

Running Past the Airport Bathroom Monologue, or, As Punctuated as Punctual

“Why was the traffic so bad oh shit I'm late oh shit I'm late oh shit I'm late why do they play music in airports? I didn't come here for a fucking concert I can't hear the announcements! Oh shit I'm late do I turn left? Right? Left to Concourse B-C? I need Gate B-18 what the Hell is a "concourse?" Where at the gates? Left? You swear it's left? Thank you thank you oh shit I'm late oh God I'm late oh God I'm late does that count as taking God's name in vain? That's not fair getting to your plane on time shouldn't be a Goddamned vain cause! Oh God I'm late how did I sleep through my wake-up call? I bet the fucking hotel clerk didn't even make it I'll kill that -- B-72?!! Where the shit is B-18?!! B-70 B-68 B-66 Jesus, Mary and Darwin what the fuck is wrong with this place? B-56 B-54 gonna have an asthma attack B-48 B-46 what do you mean I have to be there 20 minutes before departure to get on? B-36 B-34 I can't breathe it's only ten minutes to take-off B-26 B-24 - A dead end?!! Who the fuck put this here?!! I need B-18! Right? You swear? No I didn't see the sign but God bless you and your ugly, screaming baby! I fucking hate this place I want out I want out they're not going to let me on B-18 B-18 it's B-almighty-18 oh goodness gracious thank creation itself... excuse me I know I'm late but here's my ticket and I only have a carry-on and... "DELAYED?" WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN "DELAYED?"

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