Monday, September 22, 2008

Bathroom Monologue: “One of my many flaws is perpetually confusing H.G. Wells, Orson Welles and George Orwell.” -Me

His masterwork is something of a mess. It starts out with this pig that turns himself transparent. You see, the pig has been studying theoretical sciences since he is the only species that can read - I mean, aside from the farmers. Being invisible makes the porker go a little nuts with moral ambivalence and empowerment, leading him to think some animals are more equal than others, but he'd still like to run for office. Thus begins his Citizen Pig campaign. Something leaks to the tabloids about "Rosebud," who might be his pig-lover, or worse, an interspecies affair with a known anti-government agent. Citizen Pig ultimately redeems himself by fighting the invading aliens (though no one else knows he didn't really beat them; he just sneezed on them and watched them die of the common cold). The alien invasion is really a front by the oppressive government who wind up throwing him in prison and brainwashing him. A particularly chilling scene sees a jaded actor, whose spirit was broken by having to do really lame capitalist commercials, telling him he's holding up five hooves when he only has four and whatnot. The government does all this just to find out who Rosebud was. He never gives in, though in the epilogue, as the Fascist swine are burning his stuff, we find out Rosebud was his time machine.

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