Bathroom Monologue: You had to be somewhere

"Did you know that before you were born your mother stood out in the freezing temperatures for sixteen hours just to stand and watch the first black president get inaugurated on a widescreen television next to the Mall of America? She wept with joy, and the tears froze on her cheeks."

"Were you there too, daddy?"

"Hell no. I watched it at home, then got drunk and played X-Box."