Friday, September 18, 2009

Bathroom Monologue: The Rule of Eleven Daughters

Handy eyes-free audio edition: The Rule of Eleven Daughters

The king had eleven daughters by the queen alone. The first was a joy - no good man resents his first child. Even the second and third were profound pleasures. But soon any king must fear for the future of his throne.

By the seventh daughter, he was consumed with conceiving a son. He did not put his wife to death - she'd have none of it, and getting rid of his official mate would be like killing a cook because not enough food was coming out of the kitchen. He conscribed more cooks, both literal and figurative, filling a wing of the castle with mistresses and feeding them any arcane aphrodisiac the wisemen came up with. Soon he took more to bed than to the throne room.

In his stead, his three eldest daughters played at policy. They began with the army, improving budgets and rations. They went on to pave roads nearest the heart of the kingdom and funded massive irrigation digs, but every four seasons, it was back to military investment. Soon not a regiment wanted for arms or armor, and not a soldier complained of overlong tours of duty. By the time that first daughter reached maturity, the kingdom’s army was so vast that no other territory would pick a war with them anymore. The army fast became a recreational trade.

When the king died, sonless and unhappy, it was the tidiest coup you ever saw. The princesses took the throne and every major general was at their side. There was no one in the land trained to fight who was against it, and so matriarchy was established. Soon there were eleven ladies voting on the future of the country, counseled by experts of all disciplines, and their mother. It broke down stereotypes like you wouldn't believe.

Isn't that how it went in your country?


  1. Another politically correct fable from the land of John W.

    You should, like, be a writer when you grow up.

    I really enjoyed this!

  2. If by country you mean my house then yes, that's how it went. I have three daughters and they are all princesses too. A fun piece.

  3. Grumble, grumble. When you want something done and done well, you have to bring in the women!

    I really enjoyed your story!

  4. Yay for fairytales with strong women...that are actually nice, as well. :) Welcome to #fridayflash!

  5. I think my girls need to read more about this kind of princess.

  6. This is instantly one of my favorites. Such a charming, sweet story. You do know how to spin a smashing tale! ;)

  7. Thank you all for your kind words! I like doing little bits of fantasy like this. Felt the need to put something very different into the line-up after last week's visit from the Joker.

  8. Very amusing :)
    I bet the coup was bloodless, too!

  9. you forgot they lived happily ever after!

  10. And I'm sure this is exactly how it went in some alternate universe somewhere. Thanks for a vision of the world w/o so much testosterone! lol

  11. Indeed, there should be more stories like this! Well done :)

  12. Uh, yeah. That's exactly the way it worked here too. ;)

    Oh that life worked out so well.


Counter est. March 2, 2008