Friday, October 30, 2009

Bathroom Monologue: Succubyebye

Listen to the new audio version or download the MP3 here.

The original recording didn't work out so well, so I did a new one at midnight before the crack of Halloween. Hope you all enjoy it!

Aisling panted and collapsed onto his chest. She was about to disappear when she realized that chest was still warm. She slid a palm up his bare sternum. His ribs rose and pressed into her fingers.

He was breathing.

She looked up in surprise and found him looking back at her.

“It’s a nice chest, isn’t it? I don’t even work out.”

She bolted up, but not away. The sheer impossibility of him still being alive kept her in place. The bedsprings creaked under her movement and the covers slid down her back.

“It’s a miracle,” she murmured.

The man folded his arms behind his head and smirked.

“I think it’s diet, really.”

She shook her head, stardust falling from her curls.

“How are you not dead?”

“Were you hoping I’d be?”

"You don’t understand. It's..." She’d never had to explain this before. For the first time in her life, she felt something like guilt. "I'm... I’m a succubus.”

He paused, then laughed at the ceiling.

“Well that explains some things!”

She leaned closer, trying to see what was special in this man. He was handsome, but that didn't rescue any of her other victims. And aside from his healthy looks, there didn't seem to be much to him.

“You’re not upset?”

“It’s not like you could have killed me." He gestured to himself as though the answer to all her questions was as obvious as his skin tone. "I’m immortal.”


“Yes. I have inside me blood of kings. Great coincidence, eh?”

“I thought the immortals were just legends.”

“I would have said the same thing about succubae until you fluttered through my window. By the way, I loved that trick.”

Now she leaned away, covering her chest with an arm.

“You didn’t think anything strange about a woman drifting through your window and having sex with you?”

“I figured most women want to do that and you were just the first to fulfill the fantasy.”

She left the bed, dragging the sheet off to wrap herself. She scowled at him from under a makeshift robe of his own linens. Another emotion occurred to her for the first time in her life now.


“Pardon me if I offend the slut who wanted to drink my life away. Loosen up! You've finally found a steady guy.”

Though now naked, the immortal didn’t budge from the bed. Well, a bit of him budged, but Aisling wasn’t dealing with that bit anymore.

"Like you didn’t enjoy it!”

“I did. You’ve got decent stamina. Dynamite hips, too.” He gestured like she might hop back on the bed at any moment. “I assume you prefer to work nights?”

She gaped at him, then turned to the window and vanished. His sheet vanished with her.

He waited for her to return. When she didn't, he yelled out the window in case she could still hear.

“If I move, I’ll leave a forwarding address! The name’s Hatiel!”

He moved to lie back down, then thought of something.

“Hatiel with a ‘t!’”


  1. Very amusing story, :)

    Funny lines, including: "I think it's diet, really"

    And she should count her blessings! A steady boyfriend - no more one-offs!

    So. He restrains, eh?

  2. I'm glad you enjoyed it, Marisa! So far the story has had an almost record number of readers, but you're the only one who commented. What lesson should I take from this?

    One more question - "He restrains, eh?" What did you mean by this? That I am not restraining myself enough? This was an atypical story for me...

  3. Loved this, especially the opening. You have a real gift with the gab. So prolific today. Peace, Linda

  4. You have no rival, no man can be your equal.

    You had me at the Queen line, then I laughed out loud at “I figured most women want to do that and you were just the first to fulfill the fantasy.”

    I like immortal male characters generally (Connor McLeod, Captain Jack Harkness, Lazarus Long) and yours is bold and brazen in the classic tradition. You should do more with him.

    Great voice.

  5. Oh, those immortals are so smug! "I think it's diet, really." LOL

  6. You make me smile, Nny. I absolutely adore you. ^_^

  7. *snicker* very amusing. You captured her fickle nature well, she was fine as long as she was in control. Could be a joke: a cocky immortal and a control freak succubus walk into a bar..." lol, okay that was probably only funny to me. Nice job, this one tickled me.

  8. Oh sorry. Was not talking about you not restraining yourself. It was referring to the name Hatiel.

    In the Dictionary of Ro, designed by a Rev. Edward Powell Foster, Hatiel means restrain. I thought you were meaning that :)

    Readers will come back over the weekend and start commenting.

  9. That was terrific, it really brought a smile to my face.

  10. This one made me smile. I liked her awkwardness at having to explain why she should've killed him.

  11. Marisa, I did not know that! Hatiel is actually an old character of mine, and boy is "restrain" an ironic name for him. That's perfect!

    Really glad to have made some people laugh with this. There was a point today when fifty straight visitors came and only one commented - I imagined readers getting angry in droves.

  12. Ha, you're right! Very different from mine, but also very amusing! :-) Great job!

  13. Hilarious! Those immortals sure come with a king-size ego.

  14. I figured most women want to do that and you were just the first to fulfill the fantasy.

    ~I'm so glad I didn't miss this! Wake up and smell the coffee, honeybun. It's sort of a weird adam and eve, gods and goddesses and pigs fantasy. LOVED it.

  15. I rather liked the Highlander reference :)

  16. I enjoyed this a lot. From the title to the chance meeting of immortals.

  17. Great story, really enjoyed it. I love the humour of two immortals caught in such a situation.

  18. This was a great bip bam, thank you, ma'am. You have a great imagination.


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