Saturday, October 24, 2009

Bathroom Monologue: Think he can still get a reference?

"Oh, you're firing me for a new black guy who you can pay less. Yeah, I understand completely. I've always wanted to lose my paycheck and health benefits so you can start a new guy at bottom salary and claim a tax credit. It's a lifelong dream. I'm just wondering, you know, since there are already so many African Americans on staff, if you're going to hire Latinos. I mean, it’s affirmative action, right? If your staff is half black and half white, you're ignoring Hispanics.

“And Asians.

“And Native Americans.

“Not to mention immigrants. I mean legal ones, of course, because you'd never hire illegal immigrants no matter how little they'd work for, or how many rights they'd give up for the privilege of serving you, right?

“Right. They can't type well.


“Yet how many immigrants, and how many colors of immigrants are you going to hire? Because come to think of it, we only speak English in here. Your little monochrome rainbow isn't exactly cutting intellectual xenophobia. Where are the French? The Russians? The Taiwanese? Or do you not consider them a country? You do want to act affirmatively, don’t you?

“Do you have a quota for the countries and backgrounds you like? A quota of Taoists? A quota of Jews? No, that's poor taste. They have a bad history with quotas. But since I'm losing my job, I guess I don't like quotas either."


  1. Excellent humor in a serious piece - sometimes you just can't win.

    Problems are easily found; solutions are not.

  2. Thanks Erin! You're absolutely right about identifying problems and solutions.


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