Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: What did I even say?

The captain handed him a blanket. The survivor pulled it around his shivering shoulders.

"So you were stuck in the cargo hold?"

"Yeah.” The survivor nodded, rubbing the blanket on his hair to dry it. “I was looking for my luggage. My wife packed some really nice waterpoofed socks."

The survivor held up his feet. Only one foot had a sock on it. The other was bare and substantially wetter.

Both the survivor and the captain frowned at his feet.

"Only have time to put one of them on?"

"Oh crap! I..." The survivor smacked his face. "You wouldn't believe it."

"I saw you burst out of the cargo hold and float to the surface on a case of pink chew toys. I'll believe about you." The captain looked at the sinking ship. The case of pink chew toys still bobbed near the starboard, heavy box held aloft by bright plastic inflatables.

"Listen, I thought I was drowning," said the survivor.

"That's fine, son. Nothing to be embarrassed about."

"But I recorded a goodbye to my wife and tied it in the other sock!"

"That's a bit romantic."

"I sounded so dumb, though! I was babbling about plants and Old Yeller. Oh my God. If anybody ever finds that..."

The captain narrowed him with a hard gaze. "Son, I just lost my ship. A little perspective will keep you from getting kicked out of the lifeboat tonight."

The survivor sunk in his seat, resting a cheek in his palm.

"Man, what did I even say?"


  1. I love the idea of waterproof socks. Saved by chew toys - hilarious.

  2. Now this one is just plain funny, no tragedy at all.
    Pink chew toys.
    SO good!


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