Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: Vampire Heart Attack

“One of the boss's few weaknesses is his heart, right? A stake through it and all that. I was thinking the heart is pretty easy to target so long as it's in his chest. So I figured, for his birthday, we'd extract it while he was sleeping and hide it in one of those safety deposit boxes in airports. A random airport. I sent it to a guy who sent it to a guy who hid it in some country, and there's no way anybody could find out which since even the guy I hired doesn't know where the guy he hired went. I thought I was bound for a promotion, because now all the boss had to be afraid of was sunlight and crosses. But it turns out these vampire rules are kind of general. Maybe a stake through the heart was an example of stuff that would kill a heart, and unfortunately... well, being stuck in a safe deposit box several thousand miles from its body will also kill a heart. So I was wondering if you had any ideas of how to find it, or if I can file for Unemployment when he kicks?”


  1. Snort! Don't you hate dunderheaded minions?

  2. Yeah. They can break your heart.

  3. Excellent work here. Kind of like the pirate. Maybe if they drop it in running water?

  4. Ha, too funny. Vampires meet the corporation. It was inevitable...

    Great piece, John. Always a pleasure to visit you. :)


Counter est. March 2, 2008