Monday, July 26, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: The Moon Landing Was Fake

The truth was only voiced once, on a local radio station in Montana. The next day G-men showed up and seized all tapes of the broadcast. But the host and staff remember the tale.

The guest had worked on the Apollo missions. He said they’d tried in earnest to land up there, and Apollo 11 had almost done it. Then, out of a clear void opened a wormhole, spitting the craft into a faraway planet. It wasn’t grey or airless, waterless or hopeless; it was actually lush with life.

Because the American people wouldn’t have understood what a wormhole was, and would have gone mad from footage of the intelligent and quite friendly extraterrestrial locals, Armstrong and Aldrin had to find the only desolate-looking spot on the otherwise verdant world. They had to re-shoot four times because jovial natives kept wandering in front of the camera to greet humans in peace and explain the meaning of life.

All these years since, NASA has had to maintain the lie that we landed on the moon. In actuality astronauts have been popping into space to hit the wormhole paradise every time. There are many things we could learn from our cosmic neighbors, but the government doesn’t feel it could live down the shame of exposing the fake moon landing.


  1. AHA! That explains it! I thought E.T. featuring in those moon landing shots was a cameo, but maybe there were others from his kind there!

  2. The matter of fact way you write this makes me feel it is true.
    It isn't ... is it?

  3. John, you bad boy. You know know what you're starting with this. don't you?
    Lotta thought for a Monday morning.
    Loved it!

  4. Cruella, ironically the E.T. we know and love is a plastic toy from the alien civilization. They don't actually look anything like that, they just enjoy merchandising.

    Cathy, of course it's true. A guy on the radio said so.

    Mary, what am I starting? I'm just exposing the truth.

  5. Yup. I wish I'd thought of this.

    Freakin' brilliant.

  6. WORMHOLE PARADISE . . . Honest John, there should be billboards ... Say, what are those G'men doin' with your keyboard? And your bathroom appliances? They're gonna give'em back, right?

    Good reporting write Conkrite!
    ~ Absolutely*Kate

  7. This has such a ring of truth to it. The government would do something like that, wouldn't they?

    Good one, John!

  8. Tremendous way to turn this conspiracy theory on its head, John. Delightful!

  9. I almost saw Will Smith and Tommy lee Jones in this ... ;)

  10. You know all the secrets of the universe, John! I'd like to go visit that planet - think you could put in a good word for me?

  11. Gany, glad you liked it!

    Kate, they promised they'd bring it back. They only wanted all my stuff for a minute.

    Eric, I think people are willing to believe that governments will do anything they're charged with. There's a G-Man under my bed!

    Thanks Max. I like going to the opposite ends of certain things. The view is nice.

    Anthony, we they wearing black? Or do you want Hancock and Two-Face to fly to the moon?

    Laura, I'll put in a good word, but I don't know how NASA feels about international astronauts these days. Perhaps we could build you our own rocket?


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