Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Bathroom Monologue: Disrespect for Unhappiness

“Of course I'm going to make fun of you for being unhappy. You're always unhappy. Today it's the flu, tomorrow it's a boyfriend, next Thursday it's hating your job, two Thursdays from now it's not having a job since you quit, and three Thursdays from now we’ll be within spitting distance of a holiday that will find some way to depress you. I like you. Honestly do. It's why I'm letting you sleep on my sofa and use up so much of my toothpaste. But if unhappiness is always going to be in my living room, then I'm going to make fun of it. The things that're temporary, that I don't understand and am afraid of, can get some special handling. Not permanent fixtures. Death, taxes, my stepmother nagging and you bitching are constants, and constants do not receive constant seriousness. They must comply to the fundamental rule: if it's normal, then it gets dripped on, lost in the stack, and made fun of whenever I damn well please. You want me to take your sadness with greater gravity? Then make it rarer. Much, much rarer.”


  1. Some people are like that, aren't they. It's the boy who cried wolf... or the boy who cried whinge.

    Was this about someone you know? ;-)

  2. You have no idea how many people I would love to send this to right now. Superb rant, my friend.

  3. I know you don't watch much TV but it reminds me of House sleeping on Wilson's couch. Good message, John, don't sweat the small stuff.

  4. Rol, it was inspired by an argument I began to have with someone, but isn't applicable to anybody. If somebody were permanently crashing in my living room for depressing reasons, I'd probably be too sensitive to ever be like this. This is all character.

    Danni, you have my full permission to perform this at mopey people.

    Susan, I don't watch too much television, but I've seen House. I would love Stephen Fry to show up and do this at Laurie.

  5. I imagine doc and dopey from the seven dwarfs having a conversation like this.


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