Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Bathroom Monologue: Ice Tea

I don’t see the appeal of ice tea. Sure it’s more portable than typical tea, and impossible to spill, but you have to wait for it to melt to drink. In the mean time you have a brick of frozen matter to babysit. It doesn’t have any interim uses. It won’t talk to you about lolcatz or serve as a paperweight. Have you ever weighed your papers with ice tea? The condensation leaves them soggy. Get a long phone call and your hard beverage goes soft and ruins the desk. You can idly lick it like an ice pop, but just try offering that around. Nobody wants a lick of a huge brown block that smells like leaves.

My secretary will ask why I don’t have some of her ice tea instead, and I’ll rebuff, “That’s not ice tea. That’s iced tea. See how your typically hot beverage has ice cubes floating around in it? It’s been iced. Mine has been frozen to the point where it is ice. I have ice tea.”

She invariably leaves before I finish. I don’t know why. Perhaps in search of iced cubes.


  1. How about a steaming cup of persnickitea?

  2. It could make a handy bludgeoning weapon in emergency self-defense situations.

    Captcha: "pundisms"

    Seems relevant for some reason

  3. I had iced tea today! Only it came from a Lipton's bottle and was cold from fridge. It did not have any ice in it.

    Only slushies have that much ice! LOL

  4. Much to think about. Ice tea, iced tea, cold tea, hot tea.....what's up with that?

  5. Such literalness sounds like it came from my family.


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