Saturday, July 23, 2011

Ridiculous Questions, Ridiculous Answers

Alan Davidson hit me with the most recent blog game. This one’s to answer a questionnaire and pass it on to those who you think will give the most entertaining answers. If you didn’t get this, please feel free to prove me wrong by being hilarious in the comments.

Are you a rutabaga?
You are what you eat. So, no.

When was the last time you ate lion meat?
In a past life as a jackal, when a cub strayed too far from the shade of the tree. I hated children even then.

Upload a heartwarming picture of something that makes you smile.

If you could go back in time and kick the crap out of someone, who would it be?
You'd actually have to go back in time to find a version of me who would want to go back in time and kick the crap out of somebody. I'm disappointingly peaceful these days. Maybe teenage-me would like to go forward in time and kick my ass for being too nice.

What song would you like to be playing while you are kicking the crap out of someone?

Name one habit that makes other people plot your demise.
It's been scientifically demonstrated that after immoral cheaters, people most dislike the highly moral and friendly people. In one test they were the second group to be eliminated, and respondents claimed it was because their persistent altruism made them feel bad about themselves.

Bring it on, assholes. I've got a hug waiting for you.

Where da muffin top at?
Inside me, because it's the first part I eat.

How many goats, stacked atop one another like Yertle’s Turtles, would it take to reach the moon?
Trick question. As REACHING FOR THE MOON clearly shows, if you got them near enough to the moon its ravenous inhabitants would devour them.

Describe yourself using obscure Latin words.

Why does evil exist?
Because you're all fucking ingrates and while it's an imperfect system and could be vastly improved for this or that end, you don't really deserve more.

Tag five people who will have amusing answers if they choose to do this. No hard feelings if not, of course. But it’ll be fun (or a decent time-waster)!

Pick a funny nickname for number 1.
I already have one. In my head, every time I talk to him, he’s “Tim Van Dam,” a lesser known ECW superstar. He probably doesn’t know what that is, but it’d be great if I could get him to do the thumb poses.

Make up a rhyme about number 2.
“Ballin” Chuck Allen. He will roll you.

Where would number 3 hide in the event of the apocalypse?
On the front lines.

Where does number 4 purchase pants?
From the children’s aisle. I presume he buys Mason pants far more frequently than he buys them for himself. Related, I dream of the day when I hit the age and shape when clothes shopping is a pure novelty.

What would number 5′s favorite dance move be?
I just assume we both dance like Snoopy from Peanuts.


  1. All good answers.

    For when I start repeating this one without always giving you credit, I apologize:

    "Because you're all fucking ingrates and while it's an imperfect system and could be vastly improved for this or that end, you don't really deserve more."

  2. You're right. We do hate altruistic assholes. It's a good thing you're funny.

  3. "on the front lines" [!] hee. and if it's a zombie apocalypse I'd be armed with a dustpan.

    ps: I'm a rutabaga every other tuesday. The rest of the time Ich bin ein Berliner.


  4. Indeed, indeed. One minor point: it's July on Planet Georgia, thus too hot to wear pants unless absolutely necessary until around mid-September. But you're right, I have plenty of pants, some for my lean year some for my fat years, and I usually get pants for Mason first. Good observation!

    So the question… do we answer the same set of questions here?

  5. Har! You met 'rediculous' head-on sir.

    I particularly enjoyed your answer to the annoying habit question. Also clever was your tie-in to your recent story about reaching the moon. Well done...

    I think if nothing else, you have done well at getting Karen S. to come out and admit her semi-rutabaga status.

  6. The first definition that comes up for ECW is "Enhanced Compression Wavelet is a proprietary wavelet compression image format optimized for aerial and satellite imagery." That sounds way too smart for me so I'm sure you mean the Extreme Championship Wrestling. I did an image search and found more pictures with extended middle fingers than anything involving thumbs. If it helps you to imagine me with either digit extended, feel free.

    Jean-Claude is "The Muscles from Brussels." That would make me... I don't know, but I think "lesser known superstar" is an almost perfect oxymoron. Doesn't have quite the same ring ot it, but it seems fitting.


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