Sunday, March 18, 2012

John Writing in a Bath Tub, OR, Birthday Games

For about as long as I've known her, Danni has insisted that I write all my posts in the bath tub. On her special day, in the heart of her special month, I want to give her the best gift of all: being right.

Click for high definition embarrassment.

There you go. Photographic evidence that I edit in the tub. It's good that I have a window right there for natural light, but damn is it hard to hit backspace with a pruny pinky.

I'm actually away today, celebrating my grandfather's birthday. He does not wish to see me in any sort of tub. But because of the duality of celebrations, I'd like to extend a party game to all readers, no matter when you were born (or now pretend you were born).

The above picture misrepresents at least five things about how I write. There are doubtless more than five, but five in particular strike me. If the readers can guess all five, or some of the actual five and some other things more amusing than the actual five, then I'll post something even more embarrassing about myself than a photo with a Mac Book in the tub. Something about blood, nudity and a fresh hotel room.

You have until Thursday to guess. It's open to anyone, and everyone is allowed up to five guesses total. No one person has to get all five; you only need five points amongst everyone who plays.

Happy guessing, and happy birthday!


  1. Yay! Happy birthday to me! Thank you so much for this, John. I love being right more than anything in the world. :) You're awesome (and sorry for the injury).

    I have two things I know are wrong woth this 1. You don't use a laptop 2. You don't need a dictionary

    1. Happy birthday, Lady! Glad you're enjoying it. I won't confirm or deny many things just yet...

  2. 1.) John Wiswell does not write using a MacBook; he writes using sheer force of will.

    2.) John Wiswell does not need the scent of Axe body wash in order to write; he needs the scent of freshly defeated enemy.

    3.) John Wiswell does not use the shower bar while writing; a man of his talent needs no safety net.

    4.) John Wiswell does not write while wearing socks. Fact.

    5.) John Wiswell does not write in a bathtub. He writes in our souls.

    Two things that are correct about how he writes:

    1.) John Wiswell does keep the dictionaries on hand; it's where, after battles unnumbered, he has managed to imprison all the words he will ever need. While he knows them all by name and never needs to open the pages, he does need to keep an eye on them so they don't cause trouble.

    2.) John Wiswell does require the loofa.


  3. 1:John would never wear that shirt while writing, it's too distracting!^__^

    2:John would never have the dictionaries to one side of him, he used them as a back support since he's already read them and knows their contents off by heart.

    3: John would use a bigger screen than a laptop to show case his amazing words - no lap top for writing no no.

    4: He would not write in a bath tub at all - it would cramp his style, although it's fairly near to that smallest room where he gets his inspiration.

    5:He would never write half lying down, because he never does anything by halves. ^__^

  4. John Wiswell wears pyjamas while writing.
    John Wiswell NEEDS a cup of coffee to hand.
    More may come to me later in the week.

    Happy Birthday Danni! Happy Birthday Grandpa! COOL PHOTO, Mr. Wiz!
    OK seriously:
    1. No way you write in jeans. Who writes in jeans? They obstruct the blood flow to the brain!
    2. You no need no steenking dictionary ... besides, if you did, it would definitely be a WEBSTER! (heheheh)
    3. You're SMILING. Who smiles when they write? The expression on my face, at least, is more akin to getting an enema.

  6. And it's a true bathroom monologue :)

    Here are my guesses:

    1) Your computer is on a desk

    2) You don't use a laptop

    3) There is always a cup of coffee nearby

    4) You don't normally write in the bathroom

    5) Your hair is usually on fire. In this picture, it looks like it's not under duress.

    1. I won't confirm or deny many things in the Comments until Thursday, but I will actually state that coffee has never been involved in my writing process.

    2. There's not glass of absinthe nearby?

  7. 1) No way you keep your computer on your lap while you write, even if you do use a laptop. Surely it's set on a desk or table.

    2) You probably write in the most comfortable clothes possible, or naked, not in jeans.

    3) At least part of the time you probably have your eyes closed while you write.

    4) I've imagined that for some of the Bathroom Monologues, the shorter ones, you actually dictate the first draft into a tape recorder and then transcribe / edit them later.

    5) I doubt you keep dictionaries out while you write, though the bar of soap is probably beside your computer at all times.

    1. I can confirm that the bar is my authentic soap.

  8. 1. Does not write fully clothed.
    2. Does not write in the tub.
    3. Does not keep a paper version of the dictionary close by.
    4. He does not keep his computer in the bathtub.
    5. He is smiling way too much in the picture! :D

  9. OK, here's mine:

    1) You wouldn't write in a dry bathtub. Which leads to…
    2) You wouldn't be clothed. Thank you for that!
    3) Your laptop would be up on something, out of the water.
    4) You don't use paper dictionaries — your Mac has one built-in. (Besides, there's two.)
    5) That's not your soap.

    Happy b-day to Danni and John's grandfather!

    1. On the two dictionaries - the top is A-M, and the bottom is N-Z. Graduation present from my aunt years back - though I won't confirm or deny what their presence in the picture indicates!

  10. Not sure I can do 5 but I reckon that the bathroom is where you get the ideas not where you do the writing.


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