Friday, November 23, 2012

Bathroom Monologue: Inhabitants of the Uninhabitable



1. The Harvesters were the first proper settlers of the endless volcano. They are languid and hardy folk who build homes in the ash, and canoe about the lava in boats wrought from diamond. The Harvesters know every secret of diamond, and of every form of carbon, though they keep these secrets intimate. They fish for softer materials in the lava basin, which they then take home and digest with organs that human beings cannot yet comprehend. They are a fulsome and sonorous lot, despite their misotheism.

2. “Skrik,” as they are most politely called, most closely resemble rats with dragonfly wings instead of legs. The diet of the Skrik primarily consists of diamond, and so it is of little surprise that they followed The Harvesters into the region of the endless volcano. It is believed that many diamond ships sank in the Bay of Flames due to holes gnawed by the pests. They damage The Harvesters’ canoes and are generally unpopular.

3. Songbirds were imported into the region by second-party merchants. As they are hefty birds, they happily prey upon the Skrik. As they are hefty singers, they loose unlimited tunes from dawn to dusk. The Harvesters discovered too late that songbird songs irritate their tender ear canals, causing a variety of unwanted side effects including hallucinations and nocturnal emissions. The current generation of Harvesters sees them as equally undesirable to the Skrik.

4. Magmen allegedly lived in the endless volcano from the time of its first eruption, though they were only first seen a heca-year ago. They prefer to live in lava, and not leave it unless sorely tempted. Magmen consider the soft minerals a delicacy after they are digested; a Harvester with a full stomach is nearly irresistible.

5. The self-loathing Amati are spirits that dance within wisps of smoke and steam. Wherever it rises, they are obligated to celebrate and adulate. Their only means of communication with the physical world is a manipulation of soul leading to an exceedingly pleasant feeling. Thus Harvesters and Magmen are often to pause upon a breach and inhale the filthy air, relishing in the tranquil sensations the Amati give them. They are the only life form in the hemisphere to also be categorized as a drug. The Amati are thought responsible for all instances of peace between the species of the endless volcano. They would gladly give it up if their god would simply tell them what to do with their lives.

6. Unufuyatum is the local god, and technical first inhabitant of the river system. He suffers from a birth defect and lasting mental disorder most akin to solipsism, and does not take the geology seriously because he believes himself to be dreaming. Reducing the mountains to constant vomiting of lava is an idle game he plays before his mother wakes him. He does not know that he has no mother, and that two asteroids were his fathers. They will not pass in the sky again for several thousand years, and so the weather in this region is expected to be stable. Dress appropriately.

15 comments:

  1. For a while there it felt like I was reading about a good chain - but not sure what I was reading this time - either way it was still interesting read.

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  2. Oh poop! that should read food chain, not good.

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  3. Sounds like a nice place for a family vacation. Is there an airport nearby? Fun read.

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  4. John this was excellent. Fiendishly conceived and executed. It does have the sense of a food chain preying upon itself, like the uroborus eating its tale. I did like the mythology for the god figure in particular.

    marc nash

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  5. Ah yes, introduced species always have unintended side effects! This read kind of like a stream of consciousness piece, which fits well with the way people seem to live. Nicely done!

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  6. This is downright Borgesian (is that a word? it is now). The last part about the god ties it all up beautifully, and the last two words keep things from flying away too much.

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  7. Fun, John! This made me laugh: "They would gladly give it up if their god would simply tell them what to do with their lives." Sounds like some people I know.

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  8. Wow, you have such a twisted imagination, John. I am really very jealous. ;)

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  9. Dawn and Ganymeder said what I was going to say.

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  10. I liked this. It has a good sense of mythololgy, and I kind of read it as a study, a fun and twisted one, but very neat, with each number revealing a certain aspect of that world, of that, and as the above said food chain. Great stuff.

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  11. Sounds like an excerpt from a textbook. Or other educational text. Also, interesting world.

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  12. Fantastic and fantastical John, your ideas never fail to amaze me.

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  13. Ah this was wonderful! They're all so interlinked...

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  14. Fantastic stuff! Not sure why, but I got a kick out of "..and are generally unpopular." the most!

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  15. Hi there John -- I did like the feel of this toasty, burgeoning ecosystem -- something that can be richly imagined on your inventive descriptions. Humorous, too.

    My technical brain did ponder the fact that diamond is a good, if reluctant, fuel and burns well in oxygen -- and thus lava is likely a no-no for diamond boats -- but I did tell it that The Harvesters probably have some special magic way of crafting it, and would it please shut up.

    Thus reproached, it left me alone to enjoy a wonderful collection of unusual volcanic inhabitants. :)

    St.

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