"Hi, I’m calling for Mona Liddel. I just wanted you to
know that I’m your son.
"This isn’t a crank call. You put me up for adoption in
Raleigh, North
Carolina in 1995. You left me a toy airplane, which I
kept until we lost our house in a factory accident. I… I’m your son. I’m not
crazy. I got your information from the adoption center.
"We’ve met three times. You think my name is ‘Jesse’ –
it’s not, it was my dog’s name as a kid, and I panicked when you asked that
time while we were waiting in line. I don’t even know why I had to see you. I’m
not a stalker. I just recognized you in this coffee shop, and came by the next
day at lunch to see if you’d return, and got lucky. And then I promised I
wouldn’t go back again today, but I got a call from the hospital. That’s why
I’m actually in town – there’s a great oncologist who specializes in kidneys only
eleven blocks from here. Howard Kleinman, he smells like fish food. After they
called, I couldn’t help it, and I almost came over to your table today. I’m
actually sitting across from where you were having lunch.
"Damn it, I sound crazy. Mo… Mrs. Liddel, I’m dying.
It’s my kidneys. I’m not looking for an organ transplant or anything—Kleinman
says the onset was too rapid anyway. It’s a freak problem that might have had
to do with where I grew up. There was a factory nearby that processed a lot of
chemicals, and it exploded, and really, you don’t need to know about that,
because I’m not calling you because I’m dying.
"I guess I’m calling because I’m not brave enough to
walk up to you. This is easier, and I need a little easiness right now. I’ll be
at this table for at least another hour if you want to come back. See me, yell
at me, or whatever.
"You’re beautiful, by the way, when you don’t think
anyone is looking. All three days now you’ve gotten that way, with the long
stare, like something big is on your mind. If you wanted somebody to talk to
about that… I don’t know.
"I wish I’d inherited your cheekbones.
"Okay? Okay. I hope I see you again some time.
Otherwise, I guess, goodbye.
"Yeah, goodbye.
"Oh God, my name’s Kevin. Your son’s name is Kevin.
Counter est. March 2, 2008
Oh dear.
ReplyDeleteI once had a very long, loopy phone conversation with a very nice, polite man who insisted I was his half-sister. I'm not his half-sister, although we did probably both attend a family wedding when we were both less than five years old.
He sounded an awful lot like this. I have a bad feeling Kevin has been mistakenly not-stalking the lady who filed his birth certificate.
And you had all that just minutes after I'd gone to bed. Wish I'd been up to chat about it. I'm sorry for anything this triggered, though I like your read on the character. Totally valid.
DeleteYou would have to call him Kevin. All I could think of is 'we have to talk about Kevin'. An excellent book but quite the wrong mind set to read this in.
ReplyDeleteSomething I have often wondered about. It must be so difficult - on both sides of the equation. Would it be greedy to ask if sometime we could also hear from the putative mother?
Whoa! I don't recall reading about this novel before, but that is a very caustic premise. That's some overlap, too, to read this under.
DeleteDo you feel my Kevin is being greedy?
Of course your Kevin is being greedy - he is very, very human. 'Don't ask, won't get?'
DeleteGood monologue, John. Really captured the complicated range of emotions he must be feeling and raises lots of interesting questions about the possible backstory.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Wayne!
DeleteOh I hope it all works out for Kevin. This story has different facets to it, it's sad, yet hopeful, sad yet has a almost comedic side to it.
ReplyDeleteI liked it very much John, it was written in an easy to read way ^_^
I have to ask! What struck you as comedic about this one, Helen?
DeleteI think it was his sense of desperation when he said things like 'You think my name is ‘Jesse’ – it’s not, it was my dog’s name as a kid' 'Howard Kleinman, he smells like fish food.' etc ^_^ or maybe it's just my weird sense of humour ;)
DeletePoor Kevin. I hope he has the right person. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat job on this, John. I'm not sure what it is, but it read so easily - even though the MC was rambling. Very enjoyable.
Thank you, Chuck. That sort of readability on someone's broken rambling is exactly what I was aiming for.
DeleteWhile I was reading this, I expected it to switch over to her reaction, but at the end I'm glad it didn't. Very well written.
ReplyDeleteDid you expect the call to end and then to see her listening? Or something else?
DeleteDeft sketching of a life, John, perhaps two.
ReplyDeleteHow much of a sketch do you think it is, on one or the other?
DeleteThe rambling uncertainly of our narrator was captured near-perfectly. Like everyone else, I hope he's got the right woman.
ReplyDeleteDo you think he picked wrong?
DeleteI don't know! You left that part Schroedinger-ly unresolved! ;-)
Delete"I'm not looking for an organ transplant or anything." I want to use that line in a conversation.
ReplyDeleteYou've built terrific empathy for Kevin, yet his naked need is almost hard to witness. As it would be in real life.
I think if it's hard to witness without being something you want to junk, then it probably worked. But maybe my imagination is limited. This is about an incredibly hard thing to express. Are there other ways you'd execute it? I'm very curious!
DeleteWow, what a powerful story. My son was born in 1995, so this was particularly intense for me. Good job with the voice and details.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the kind words, Shell, and sorry if I triggered anything.
DeleteWow, that is one tough message to leave. Hopefully she goes back to see him.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the way you handled the sentiment behind this Jon, even if one or two of the lines seemed a bit incredulous (the industrial accident) but they didn't take anything away from the piece as a whole which i thought was really strong
ReplyDeletemarc nash
I really enjoyed that. I could really imagine someone doing that.
ReplyDeleteI really like this, John. It's really sad and anxious and hopeful. If there was information left behind for Kevin to find, perhaps Mona wants to be found after all. What a shame that it's so late. Hopefully she doesn't get the message too late. And hopefully Kevin has the right Mona Liddel. Good stuff to be left with at the end of a story.
ReplyDeleteYou've given us a view of a young boy's way to try and be grown up about an incredibly frightening experience - one which someone so young shouldn't have to endure.
ReplyDeleteI really like the opening: "This isn't a crank call. You put me up for adoption in Raleigh, North Carolina in 1995. You left me a toy airplane..."
The woman would have no doubt either way after an opening like that - either it is, or it isn't her who is the mother.
Hi John, I'm re-posting this story on Facebook - it's as - no, more powerful even than the one about the boy who was conceived during a rape, speaking about his mother's funeral. I'm also leaving you a private message on Facebook. Very, very well done indeed.
ReplyDeleteI felt sad and squirmy alternately with this one. I really like it when you go all natural on us!
ReplyDeleteLoved Kevin's voice in this. The rambling, unsure speech made this feel intensely real. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteGripping. I think you captured the emotion of the situation perfectly. I agree with others, it felt very authentic.
ReplyDeleteGreat job. Really caught the nervousness of the speaker.
ReplyDeleteNice job capturing the voice in this.
ReplyDeleteBroke my heart a little, because it did feel so real. I feel bad for this guy- he seems so lost.
ReplyDeleteI love that the doctor "smells like fish food"- it's one of those details that's entirely too odd not to sound true.
All-in-all really great piece.
This scenario is so painfully realistic, John! There is the nervousness and there is the anticipation. But the person on the other side of the line must be equally nervous and unsure, be it his mother or someone else, right?
ReplyDeleteActually I can kinda imagine this happening over Facebook. Leave a message, stalk the profile?
Don't mind my blabbering. It's a great piece and I really enjoyed reading it.
Wow, there's a whole world of hurt right there...but as much as I want to empathise with the narrator, I can't help but wonder how his mother will feel when she hears it.
ReplyDeleteJohn...if I didn't read this in work I would have cried...it's so intense and sweet...well done!
ReplyDeleteWow that is going to be a hard message to hear- if Kevin has got hold of the right person, that is. Great job John bit of a departure from your usual humor but very well written as always.
ReplyDelete