Monday, July 8, 2013

Happy Urban Legend 4: Alligators in the Sewer

There is a venerable urban legend of alligators living in the sewers of major metropolitan areas. It began as one baby gator stolen from the pet store by a capricious child, and once discovered by his parents, is flushed down the toilet. It grew up, spawned and proceeded to stalk the sewers for the rest of its days. Three things are patently untrue about this urban legend:

1)      Alligators aren't sold in most pet stores. It wasn't stolen from one.
2)      The child flushed it not because of parents, but because children as sadistic and evil monsters.
3)      It was actually a baby crocodile, but most people don't know the difference.

Some version of the gator/croc infestation is real in most cities where children have access to wildlife and toilets. However the average sewer croc is friendly to the point of being entrepreneurial, perpetually stalking the sewers in order to collect all the change people drop down grates, pipes and sinks. The reason there is not one, but many crocs in the average sewer is because the original croc made enough money to get his family across the border and into the neighborhood.

If you find yourself underground and cornered by something like an alligator or crocodile, offer it a dollar. If this does not dissuade it, offer to flush anything from the surface world it wants as soon as you get topside again. This usually does the trick. Be sure to follow through with the sewer croc's demands, though: the part about them coming up through the toilet for revenge is truer than is worth risking.


  1. Heck, I'll give him a twenty if he'll let me go!
    And yeah, children can be sadistic.

  2. I am LOVING these, John! Each one is funnier than the last!

  3. I needed a smile this morning - and you gave me a face splitting grin. Thank you.

  4. Hehe. I love these posts. Give me more urban legends!

  5. LOL I'll becareful to carry some loose change on me, when I'm down in the sewers.  &_^ (wink)


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