Sunday, January 10, 2016

A Realistic Spider-Man?

So yesterday the Russo Brothers did an interview about how "grounded" and "realistic" their approach to Spider-Man would be. I couldn't help offering some tips on how a realistic Spidey story would go.

  • A realistic Spider-Man? So, a kid is bitten by a spider, gets no powers, and struggles with poverty?
  • His widow aunt can't afford their bills, so Peter gets a second job. They're evicted anyway.
  • Peter photographs himself as an elusive vigilante. Daily Bugle won't call him back and he winds up with three reblogs.
  • Mary Jane swipes left.
  • Rich evil Norman Osborn dons a goblin mask and terrorizes the city. Pundits wonder when he'll run for president.

  • While Peter is at a wrestling show, his uncle is shot. Naturally he blames poor standard of living and NRA lobbyists.
  • Boy genius Peter develops liquid steel webbing technology. A troll swoops his patent and sues him.
  • Doctor Octopus is a Podcatcher knock-off app that fills Peter's phone with malware.
  • A sexy cat burglar is tearing up the city. Peter, who has crushing debt and no powers, never meets her. The end.


  1. Rich, evil Norman Osborn made me smile - in a rueful kind of way.

  2. Blames NRA lobbyists - funny! Now that was scary realistic.

  3. Wow. I think this is why we love fiction, guys. Reality is just too depressing. Though, I do think you nailed it.

  4. Ow. But true. And funny. Because true.


Counter est. March 2, 2008