Thursday, December 13, 2007

Bathroom Monologue: Lineage of Dedication

John was begat by Erma Bombeck, Douglas Adams, Mark Twain and Jonathan Swift, but please don't hold it against him; the son is never greater than the parent, except in those cases where no one cares who the parents were. John was begat by Dante Allighieri, who was begat by Virgil, who was begat by Homer, who was begat by some kind of muse, if he existed. John was begat by Joseph Campbell, who was begat by Carl Jung, who was begat by Sigmund Freud, who, as he would have told you, was begat by his father. John was begat by Ralph Waldo Emerson, who was somehow begat by Jesus Christ, who was begat by Moses (don't tell the Christians their faith is plagiarism), who was begat by Pagan folks (don’t tell the Jews their faith is plagiarism), "Pagan" means pretty much everything not listed above, so they were begat by earlier Pagans who bore no resemblance to later Pagans (but for God’s sake, don’t tell the kids in pointy hats), and they were probably begat by some people who didn't really know what the sun was, but were very creative (and probably black -- don't tell any of the above faiths that, though). John was begat by a bunch of other people, but their names are withheld by request of the authors.

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