Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Bathroom Monologue: Entertainmentalists

They believe earth is a sitcom. The situation for comedy? A planet with life on it. A quick survey of the solar system shows this to be a novel concept. But the lack of other planets with life shows the unpopularity of the sitcom, or so says Margo Quentin of the Entertainmentalist party.

“If we were a good show, more similar planets would be created. Rip-offs, knock-offs, spin-offs, you know. Being alone in the cosmos proves we’re a dull show.”

Entertainmentalists suggest that what we’ve done is boring the audience. What have we done? A lot of famine, and a lot of war. Not much of it is very funny. Perhaps the time Maine declared on Canada is chuckle-worthy in hindsight, but human history is mainly bleak, and so, the Entertainmentalists argue, we don’t have many viewers.

“We’ve got to break out of our rut,” says Ms. Quentin. “We need to be funny in order to pick up the ratings. We need our sense of humor. Consider every empty planet to be a Nielson home that’s watching something else, or worse, has the TV set off. You being so serious about everything is essentially keeping the universe from watching.”

(All "Perspectives" are dedicated to Tim Meadows.)

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