Thursday, April 17, 2008

Bathroom Monologue: It’s “MP3 Player of Middle Eastern Descent,” thank you very much

Gary and Samid came up with the plan. They called everyone they knew, including everyone at Samid’s mosque. Most of them weren’t impressed, but thankfully a lot of the younger guys were into it. Come Monday morning they would re-brand “iPod” as a dirty word. You see, Gary and Samid had realized the nature of profane words while playing pokler on Friday. Specifically as they used them to jab at each other. “Fuck” was just one of many words for procreation. “Shit” was just one of many words for fecal matter. Why were they bad? Because angry people said so for a long enough time. And people were particularly sensitive to racially sensitive words. Since Islam was still hazy to most politically correct Americans there was the opporunity to introduce new forbidden words from that culture and insist no one say them anywhere. New forbidden words like the ancient Arabic word for an unwashed, uneducated heathen, used for centuries as the most caustic slur against Muslim slaves – “Ay Pahd.” According to Gary and Samid it was a millennia old, even if it really dated back to a drunken conversation in a New Jersey suburb. But if they showed enough outrage, and got enough brown-skinned people to play along, they might have an anti-hate speech suit against Apple by August.

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