Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Bathroom Monologue: Rejected Proposal #2

So what we’ll do is abduct babies straight from the nursery. Publishing is dwindling and some say we should go to all e-distribution, but do you really want to depend on a medium where piracy is the norm? We’ve got to create brand new technology. We’ve got to pre-load our books in the brains of children straight from the womb, then charge for the privilege. It’s what PC’s have been doing with software for years – Microsoft Office comes loaded, with charges going back to the home company. The moms won’t even know what happened, but their little chubby miracles will be pre-loaded with Melville and Proust. Their first words won’t be, “Dada,” but, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” It’ll be tacked on to the bill as they exit the hospital. Nobody reads those.

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