Sunday, May 31, 2009

Bathroom Monologue: Items Not Found In Videogames

-Morning After Pill – 500 Gold – “For Unwanted Status Effects”

-Chinese Finger Trap – 1 Gold – “Challenge any boss monster to escape it to skip boss fight.”

-Red Bull – 50 Gold – “Regain nominal amount of health, but in half an hour your HP will crash.”

-First Aid Manual – 1 Gold – “A medical explanation of how to treat wounds, infections and other dangerous physical states, OR, How picking up a first aid kit does not save you from a bullet to the skull.”

-360 Degree View – Free – “All your enemies have lined up in front of you, leaving you the right, left and behind if you feel like running away.”

-Get Out of Jail Free Card – 1000 Gold – “Because the means the plot was going to use to explain how you escape were just too ridiculous.”

-Quaker Guide to Mediation and Conflict Resolution – Free – “All Those People Don’t Have to Die, Do They?”


  1. This is pretty great, too. Love the first one in particular.

  2. Okay, if you didn't have it, (which you did), the ending one gets you my undying affection.


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