Sunday, August 16, 2009

#classicsontwitter 2

Once again, a bonus post with classics adapted to Twitter.

Don Quixote: Demented romantic goes on adventures that are all delusion. Twice. Sidekick becomes a governor.

The Crucible: Some girls accuse another of being a witch. Adults are also accused, and all their lives are ruined.

Arabian Nights: Girl tells a new story each night to keep her husband from killing her. He is hooked. She lives.

Canterbury Tales: Pilgrims have a storytelling contest to entertain themselves and bother each other. No one wins.

Three Musketeers: Four men with no muskets foil a plot against France.

Gone with the Wind: Privileged Southerner lives out the civil war in surprising comfort. Everybody but her leaves or dies.

Tale of Genji: The son of the emperor has lots of sex. Slowly, his friends and family die. He is sad.

Les Miserables: Jean leaves prison, steals silverware, and runs for mayor under a fake identity. He dies of old age.

Gilgamesh: The king was too cool, so the gods sent a wildman to humble him. They hang out. Wildman dies. King is sad.

Catch-22: Guy can’t stop fighting in the war unless he’s crazy, and isn’t crazy if he wants to stop. He runs away.

Lord of the Rings: Little guy has to destroy a magic ring. Everyone else fights the bad guys. Little guy destroys ring.

The Odyssey: Hero fights monsters on his long voyage home. Once home, he kills his guests.

Pride and Prejudice: Attractive people like other attractive people but don’t marry them fast enough. Hijinx ensue.

Frankenstein: Doctor sews together bodies to make a new guy. Body-Guy kills people. Body-Guy and Doctor die in the Arctic.

Lord of the Flies: Some boys are shipwrecked and become increasingly tribal and violent. Adults show up. The end.

Things Fall Apart: Europeans slowly take over an African village. Town leader hangs himself in defeat.

One Hundred Years of Solitude: Several generations struggle with the history of their town. Naturally, most die.

To Kill a Mockingbird: Children grow up with a quiet father who defends a black man against racist judiciary. He wins.


  1. I can't believe you made it through the Tale of Genji, even I didn't make it that far. Genji was too emo and I know he was supposed to be emo, but still.

  2. And yet it's on your Amazon wishlist. The internet makes everyone seem crazy.

  3. Pride and Prejudice: Attractive people like other attractive people but don’t marry them fast enough. Hijinx ensue.

    A great summary of one of my all-time favorite novels. Well done!


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