Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Bathroom Monologue: Toilet Tissue Tears It

But when Andrew opened the bathroom door he heard an even stranger voice.

“Oh no!” squeaked something at about pelvis level. He instinctively shrank back, even though he had no idea what was talking or if it wanted to punch him in the gonads.

On the wall the toilet paper dispenser shook. The roll of toilet paper popped off and… well, rolled across the floor until it bumped into his foot.

“I’m not taking shit from you anymore!” it squeaked, then rotated and rolled between his legs. Andrew turned and watched it fall off the first step of the stairs, then bounce the rest of the way to the ground floor.

“What the Hell?” Andrew asked himself. He grabbed a box of tissues, and when it didn’t protest, entered the bathroom. This was weird, but he really had to go.


  1. Ok I laughed pretty long and loud at this one.

  2. Like it. I made me imagine all sorts of disgusting things as I extrapolated the idea of other items in his household coming to life, none of which I'm willing to relate.

  3. This is terribly funny! Dry, witty, excellent fun John.


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