Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: It’s not a Purgatory

In this sect Heaven does not have gates. Heaven has soil. The literature fails to mention if there is a sky. All you know is that there will be stretches of flat earth and light enough to dig by. Millions of other people will be in these flatlands with you, but they are not communicative. They are busy looking for where to dig. You should get busy as well, says this sect. If you dig in the wrong place the ground will close up as soon as you remove your hands. To find your digging spot requires deeper senses than those that dominated your life, or great luck. Once you dig in the right spot, though, you have a lot of digging to do. No one else can help you and you have to do it with your bare hands. Once you dig deep enough you’ll find an object. The object is just for you – no other soul can touch it. It might be a sabre, or the fender of a car, or a teddy bear. If you’ve thought about life as you lived it, the sect says you’ll recognize the significance of the item and immediately transcend to the next level of Heaven – the good part, with all the relaxation and Beatles reunion concerts. If you’re like most people, though, you won’t recognize the item. You’ll have to meditate on it, trying to figure out why it summarizes what you did right and wrong in life. Generally the object relates to what got in your way. Maybe that teddy bear was the gift of the father who so emotionally scarred you that you took abusive habits in adult life. Likely, it will be more complicated than that. Only once you recognize the full meaning do you transcend. The sword, fender, teddy bear or whatever your token is will not transcend with you; it resumes being a part of you like it was throughout your life. The soil closes back up, to hide the next item for the next dead soul. The Soil of Heaven is sort of like most Christian Purgatories, that test for the masses before entrance, which validates and purifies. It’s not a Purgatory, though, unless you make it one.


  1. We began reading the Inferno in my class today. This was oddly timely.


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