Sunday, May 23, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: Michael Solender wants a Bathroom Monologue about my pinkies

I type with four fingers. The forefingers to most of the work, with the middle fingers intruding at the IKM and EDC borders – they are the guards of East and West Europe, you might say, and what better to serve along the Berlin Wall than middle fingers? The thumbs do their best to patrol the south, reliably punching the spacebar and some of the ZXCVBNM,./ keys, not really knowing what they’re doing. To follow an even less comfortable strain of the mid-20th century Europe analogy, the thumbs just follow orders. Command comes from the forefingers, which sometimes become preoccupied up north and don’t wish to make the long journey. The pinky fingers do the lightest work, with the pinkies sometimes hitting Caps Lock or holding shift – the doormen, or perhaps the lighthouse keepers on the shores of this typographical continent. I’m inclined to attack the pinky for its laziness, but no finger so exudes largess as the ring finger. I don’t wear rings and have only once seen a ring finger strike a key – a few months ago, when I was sorely tired, it reached over and struck Enter for me. It was not out of instinct; the ring finger is the entourage, the trophy wife of my typography, existing to make the pinky feel productive and to keep one side of the middle finger warm. If you surgically removed these things, replacing the ring finger to the middle finger’s spot, it would do more work, but not because of optimal placement – no, I suspect it would do more work to save face in front of the forefinger. The middle finger is a buffer between them, and thus, really, an enabler caught in central Germany.

10 comments:

  1. If you could see me now, you'd be enjoying my one fingered salute. And it is not my pinkie either. Thanks for the credit I so richly deserved for the inspiration!

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  2. Ohh, I feel like an intruder in a private conversation, but this exchange is really funny, heh. I can imagine the tone of the conversation you both had, lol.

    Btw, I type with four fingers too, although I do make an effort to include the pinkie in the creative process. ;P

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  3. Hmm...I feel old now. I touch-type in the standard way with all my fingers because waaaay back in high school all girls were required to take typing class for our illustrious futures as secretaries. *snort*

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  4. You're not old, Laura. They gave us typing classes in elementary and high school. For (and most of the students), the courses simply didn't catch. I'm a defective typist.

    I'm glad I'm not alone, Mari.

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  5. INteresting exchange. I suck at typing too. And I look at the keys.

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  6. This is funny you two! I type with almost all my fingers, except my right pinky. I don't know why, it tends to hang out in the air as if I were a proper englishwomen sipping noontime tea. After typing for long periods of time, it hurts REALLY bad. I try to use it, but it takes to much thought. I see I'm in good company!

    Fun exchange here.

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  7. LOL, John... Are you taking requests? ;)

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  8. Anthony, I consider requests. For a while now I've been thinking of adding a Paypal tab - leave a dollar donation, I'll write something based on whatever title you give me. For now it's just freebies for friends. Something you're hoping to see?

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  9. I don't have to leave requests, John... You bring it every day...

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