Friday, October 1, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: Possible Origins for Him. 5.

There's an audio version of today's story. To listen either click the triangle to the left for the stream, or click this text to download the MP3.

It was to impress a girl. Blonde, with glasses and a white coat buttoned all the way up to her chin. A fetish of mine, hard to explain. I’d have been head over heels even if I hadn’t been restrained in the position. She was the newest therapist to try building a career on curing me. So I told her.

I was born to a lower middle class family. Mother died in childbirth. Dad held it against me. I tried time and time again to get him to laugh, but he wouldn’t crack a smile. He’d only crack me across the mouth. This famous grin of mine? His handiwork after I tried to run away and join the circus.

It was all lies. I don’t remember the first thing about my childhood. Considering all the chemicals I’ve inhaled and blows I’ve taken to the head, is that really a surprise? I just had green hair and turned it into an easy gimmick. But this girl wanted rhyme and reason, and I wanted her.

We traded answers in the style of Silence of the Lambs. She asked where I learned chemistry, and I asked why Karl was the funniest Marx brother. My questions were to get her to laugh – let her hair down. She was so uptight, so driven by career that she’d forgotten how to have fun. I actually invented the first squirting flower to get a rise from her. The second one, I used to melt the lock of my cell.

Now it turns out that if you shackle my hands so I can’t strangle a girl, I’m charming. More charming when you think I once tore dad’s trousers during a prat fall. More charming when you hear he broke my nose for it. More charming when you see some hulking hero drag me in, my bones broken and him as grim as the reaper. I’m still grappling with Daddy. Get it?

I didn’t. Went straight over my head. When I escaped I hammed up the humor. Defacing all America’s tuna. Blimps that sprayed psychotropic laughing gas over football stadiums. And I let myself get caught. Twice, then three times. Why? So that I could go back to her.

The third time? She slapped him! She held me in her arms and ordered the guards to kick him out or arrest him. She didn’t care how many people I’d killed that weekend. And with my bloodied cheek cozied up to her chest, I didn’t either.

Fools fall in love. Dead men hit the ground. We were the type to just keep falling. We had sessions while I was still in traction – physically incapable of harming her. What a joke. I’m comparing this to my first pie in the face, and she’s laughing so hard she has to take off her glasses. I got her to take ‘em off, and let me tell you, if there’s one thing that strikes me harder than a blonde in glasses, it’s one who takes them off and dabs at the corners of her eyes like she isn’t sitting the ICU with a sociopath.

Such a girl, woman, lady, doctor, is not the sort of person an asylum wants working on my sort of case. They relieved her that afternoon. I heard her yelling in the parking lot. Everybody did.

I think only I heard her coming back that night, though. She’d developed this bounce in her step during our relationship, something only the doctor and patient would recognize. I also recognize the beeping of an armed bomb. She blew open the wall to the ICU and busted me out. Had a wheel chair, an escape car, and a grenade launcher. That’s a keeper.

I’ve kept it up ever since. The comedy because it’s fun, and the Daddy thing because, well, it’s the story of how we met. You want to know the truth? She is my origin.

Unless I’m only telling you this to get on your good side. You look nice today.

38 comments:

  1. Fascinating look into a familiar sociopathic character. Loved the line "She is my origin."

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  2. I was charmed despite myself. Damnit!

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  3. This is one of those stories that so twists your perception, where you are so hooked into the narrative that you find yourself becoming the character. Beautifully twisted and lyrically dark.
    Adam B @revhappiness

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  4. Very twisted. Very nicely twisted.

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  5. Vandamir, I liked it so much that he had to try and negate it a sentence later. He's so slippery.

    AM, I'll slip you his number, then.

    Adam, thanks for the lovely praise. Was there anything that particularly evoked lyrical darkness for you?

    Tim, I'm sure he'd appreciate that.

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  6. Excellent, like the way he kept shifting the footholds we readers thought we'd gained on his psyche. There are no moorings into the unhinged. The notion of a psycho's own origin myths is a brilliant offering.

    marc nash

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  7. Great fun - that last line nails it.

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  8. I love comics origin stories, mostly because they can be re-written for every generation. Getting it from his perspective was a refreshing take.

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  9. I've been led in circles while blindfolded...now I'm dizzy. :)

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  10. Twisted, chilling, dark -- it was hard following this one at first, but it had a killer punch at the end. Good one, John.

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  11. Mr. Marc, glad you're enjoying them. Did you find yourself believing anything in particular despite all the loose handholds?

    DJ, are you a sucker for flattery? Winky face.

    Tony, he's my favorite as he's been explicitly exploited for the origin re-tellings. I enjoyed Nolan making fun of it in The Dark Knight and all the times he's seemed so certain of different stories in the comics.

    Laura, did you at least enjoy the stroll?

    John, sorry that it was hard to follow at first. Was it the shifts between the first three paragraphs?

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  12. I enjoy the stroll wherever you take me, John!

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  13. I'm still trying to figure out what I just read! That's how I know I enjoyed it;) You've got skills Mr. Wisell. Thanks for the read.

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  14. Delightful, John. I was feeling for him, lies and all. And that last line is great.

    Well done!

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  15. This is my favorite line: Had a wheel chair, an escape car, and a grenade launcher. That’s a keeper.


    What a wonderfully twisted love story, John. I enjoyed the read.

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  16. This is completely frickin awesome and strangely adorable. I loved how she ended up just as crazy as him, and still kept her wits about her! ...I'd love to hear the story from her point of view, actually. She's quite an interesting character by the end.

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  17. I think you portrayed him very, very well! I love how he charmed the doctor into laughing and sociopath behavior. I mean, if she is who I think she is. ;)

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  18. Very tricky character, like Hannibal Lecter as portrayed by Anthony Hopkins, admirable for the sheer evil intellect he possesses.

    Sociopaths are very scary people.

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  19. I usually like to read your work but I've gotten with these, to where I leave the driving to you. Great job with the lunatic reading.

    "Fools fall in love. Dead men hit the ground. We were the type to just keep falling." Lots of good stuff but this bit I liked alot.

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  20. AJ, and thank you for reading. What did you decide you'd read?

    Gracie, do you think this one is all a lie? You're safely distant from him in case you want to throw accusations.

    Danielle, I tinkered with that one for a while. It's affirming when somebody compliments a line I struggled with. Thanks!

    Jemma, she certainly develops into something. Fortunately her version of the story has already been told. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KcpeG5Q39Q You may notice that my guy got some of it wrong - if he even remembers.

    Mari, she's probably who you think she is.

    Steve, he likes Hannibal too, hence the reference. But I don't think Hopkins's scholar would have been as nice to the lady once he got free.

    Harry, I try to use at least a slightly different voice for each of these. It was difficult doing him last night, so it's relieving to hear you enjoyed hearing him.

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  21. What I got out of the "she is my origin" line is that he starts over whenever he wishes with an identity depending on who he is with and what he wants out of it. She is the reason (the origin) for this newly created fictional version of himself. Is that anywhere close? Just a wonderful read. Thanks so much for being good at this.

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  22. That was freakin' brilliant. Perfect voice. Perfect... everything!

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  23. Perfetto. One of your best. Peace...

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  24. I am enjoying these as well... And the readings are way fun...

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  25. This made me smile as soon as I realised who they were. Fabulous!

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  26. Okay, finally listened to the audio for #SpokenSunday and WOW.My son and I listened to it together. You are all shades of awesome.

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  27. This is absolutely fantastic. If you're not hired by Nolan to work on the next one, then there is something wrong with the world.

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  28. I like the part about a woman wearing glasses-and taking them off. Brilliant. The entire set is well done.

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  29. Love the rhythem and pace of this and its got a comical spin behind it too. Really good work :)

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  30. My favorite crazy couple! I love the notion that he courted her, rather than just used her. A lovely twisted romance.

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  31. Amusing juxtaposition of entertainer and wanting to entertain with the sociopath. The depth of the characters motivations are interesting here and have an intriguing voice as well.

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  32. Why are the bad boys always so irresistible? Nice and twisted, especially when listening to the audio. Loved the delivery of the last line.

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  33. Very twisted and so much fun to read. Well done.

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  34. Thanks so kindly for the feedback, folks. Number 6 should show up for #spokensunday this weekend.

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  35. I second the "I was charmed despite myself." comment.

    Brilliant.

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  36. how I actually came to like this guy... wow. slap myself. I third the charmed..

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  37. Despite being a contact lens wearing brunette, I was charmed enough not to hold his fetish against him

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  38. There's untrustworthy narrators and then there's this guy. Surely, this entire exercise is doomed to failure if we only have His voice telling of his Origin. Then again, maybe there's a grain of truth in what he says, somewhere ... or is that kinda of futilely optimistic thinking a road to insanity in itself?

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