Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Bathroom Monologue: Very Smart

"You have to stop telling people you're dumb. You're very smart. You're smarter than them, and it unnerves them when they hear you cut yourself down. They ask you to look over their taxes. They look at you when someone mentions thermodynamics. You watch PBS and read articles on the internet that are longer than one page. You calling yourself dumb means they are all barely functional slime pods. Barely sentient pustules of DNA. That's very rude. And don't say that they have skills you don't. Yes, she fixes your computer. She also thinks you ask her because you're too busy learning astrophysics to pick up mundane nonsense. And it's not nonsense to her most of the time, only when she's in the knowledge radius around you. That's what you do to people. You can't cut yourself down or you drop the whole thing on them. I'm sorry that you're smart, and I'm sorry that you're too stupid to know you're smart. But this is your burden. You have to carry it. Pick it up just as soon as you finish the weekend crossword puzzle."


  1. Excellent advice to smart people everywhere -- I'm going to start taking it myself. :) Thanks for the great piece!

  2. I could say that monologue to a lot of people I know... if I were smart enough to think of it and say it them.

  3. It's easier to be underestimated, and surprise everybody than to be overestimated. I would suggest to this character to say thoughts out loud like, "Gee, this library smells like books." It will pop that bubble of overestimated greatness & intelligence pretty fast. Take it from someone who knows. ;-)


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