Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Bathroom Monologue: God of ____, Redux

Ares was the god of war, Aphrodite was the goddess of love, but Apollo was the asshole god who wanted to take seventeen majors in college. Apollo was a very presumptuous god. He was a sun god, even though Helios already did the sun and Zeus did the sky. He was a medicine god, but also a bringer of plagues. He was both a war and sports god, making him a professional and hobbyist ass-kicker. He was the patron deity of shepherds and colonists, making him both God of Protecting Your Stuff and God of Taking Your Stuff. His oracles at Delphi were the most reliable and salient, making him a knowledge god, and from there he became more powerful than the muses at inspiring music and poetry, making him an arts god. And we can't forget that he was randy, though that was more a "god" thing than an "god of" thing. The gods were fucking nuts. And by "fucking nuts" I don't mean "crazy;" I mean if they found a cashew arousing, they'd turn into an ox and find a way to penetrate it.


  1. Apollo is the kind of character players create if the GM doesn't keep a firm hold of them.

  2. Apollo was also the scapegoat for many out of wedlock pregnancies, of course. I'm sure Zeus was torn between elevating him out of the way and worrying about his own position....

  3. "And we can't forget that we was randy..."

    Did he speak through you there for a moment? :-)

    I thought this one was great fun -- in the Greek pantheon, the gods are assholes some of the time, and I've always admired how the Greeks just d seemed to accept it as yet another facet of the universe.

  4. I think those of us who believe in god(s) should bear in mind just how crazy they can be - when they are not being out and out malevolent.


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