Thursday, May 30, 2013

Bathroom Monologue: Christopher Lee is Not Dead

Dear Twitter,

Please stop scaring me into thinking Christopher Lee is dead.

We both love his infernal majesty. His grace, his voice, his simultaneous humanity and inhumanity - he is the most charming stuff of nightmares. And he has a new metal album coming out, which is very funny and apt and other adjectives.

Yet you must understand that when you talk about him, he trends worldwide. And when any aged celebrity trends worldwide, I presume they've died.

Bill Cosby has died at least five times. It's been very hard on my nerves.

With Lee shooting up the social media ranks over and over for his album and popular interviews, I've been terrified to think our lord of darkness in cinema had passed twice just this week. On Tuesday I got remorse whiplash and had to start wearing a brace on my empathy.

And yes, I know that Christopher Lee can't really die, only explode into a cloud of bats. But don't be so semantic. You're killing me.

John Wiswell


  1. "I got remorse whiplash and had to start wearing a brace on my empathy." Ha! ROFLMAO! Oh, John- you kill me. In the best way, of course.

    And who knew Christopher Lee was in a metal band? I mean, aside from you, obviously.

    1. It was trending and everything! He's pretty impressive fellow.

  2. Explode into a cloud of bats? That's how I wanna go too :)

  3. Ever since I've seen this, I can't hear Christopher Lee's name without thinking about this. Quite a life the guy's had!

  4. And if he doesn't explode into a cloud of bats, he'll be back as a hologram that only Jedi can see and hear :)

  5. HWL
    I'm with Bev, the empathy brace is the best.

  6. I saw Jerry Lewis trending recently and thought he might have died. Turns out, he just made a stupid remark and had lots of people wishing he had.


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