Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Bathroom Monologue: 7 Ways Writing a Book is Not Like Raising a Child

1. Mine inspires the movie. Yours won’t shut up during it.

2. Mine falls on the floor in the mall and flops open. Yours falls on the floor in the mall and screams so loud security runs in.

3. People are more favorable about my Used market.

4. If mine breaks someone’s heart, it’s amazing. If yours break someone’s heart, he/she’s a douche bag.

5. I don’t send holiday cards with photos of my hideous rough draft.

6. They can both get banned from the library for bad words, but only yours gets banned for defecating in the Science section.

7. I can make sure mine turns out well.


  1. Best one ever!! That was awesome. I don't have kids, so this was REALLY funny to me.

  2. Haha! 7 is classic. If only there was a way to edit parenting...

  3. Too, too perfect. The next time some parent assures me I get the same experience by writing books as from giving birth, I'm sending them here.

  4. I am neither a writer, nor a parent - but love this. Thank you.

  5. I'm laughing too hard to make a coherent comment...bawhaha!

  6. Oh I just love no 3 ... I can see the uproar ... slightly used child for sale going cheap, won't shut up in the movies and who knows how the darn thing will turn out....

  7. OMG that was great. As someone raising teenagers who are even harder to control (should they choose not to obey out of say, spite) while writing, I so totally relate to these. Well done.
    Tina @ Life is Good

  8. Priceless.
    Adam B @revhappiness

  9. As a parent and a writer I can say the books are easier, take less time and less monetary investment.


Counter est. March 2, 2008