Friday, August 29, 2008

Bathroom Monologue: Dear All Other Monsters

Why do I always get dragged into these things? All I do is fly! Sometimes I fly into things, which I guess hurts, but it hurts me more than them. If my exoskeleton cracks I’m pretty much screwed. If my wing gets clipped I’m pretty much screwed. And then my kids save the day, by spitting silk. Why can’t I spit silk? The lizard spits fire! Fire, which is bright and causes me to go fly into it. It’s not fair. Let the giant monkey fight the giant lizard. Let the giant three-headed dragon do the fighting. Hell, don’t tell them I said this, but let my kids go instead of me. They always get the job done while I die. Let me stay at home with my plants! I’m always there, pruning my new banzai tree, the phone rings, and I shred the thing. Do you know how hard it is to tend a banzai without fingers?

Being a giant moth sucks.

Leave me alone,

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