Bathroom Monologue: Noun Challenge with Strange Company

[ARYANA sits along the bar in an impractical chainmail bikini guaranteed to piss off feminists; THE INSULTINGLY BLAND SCOTT sits to her left in a t-shirt and jeans; THE JOKER sits to his left in a red vest and slops, sipping an empty martini glass; SPIDER sits to his left in a spandex superhero costume, eyeing THE JOKER warily, even though his mask has no eyeholes.]

Scott: So I thought Ledger stole the movie.
Joker: I liked Eckhart better. More believable.
Spider: And really, it’s too broad a film with too much quality work in the lighting, soundtrack and performances of the whole cast, even in bit roles, for it to be able to be stolen by a single performance.
Scott: But he was so awesome! His laugh gave me the creeps, and he made Nicholson look like a--
Joker: [Glaring at Scott] Listen, you market-tested middle-American pea brain, if you don’t shut up about him I will puncture your larynx with a plastic cocktail sword. [Looking at Spider] If he’s good, I’ll do it with a penknife.
Spider: I always thought Mark Hamill had the best laugh.
Joker: Me too. Had real panache.
Aryana: [Leaning forward to look at Joker] What are you doing here?
Joker: Infringing copyrights, mostly.
Aryana: Oh.
Spider: But he’s wearing a red vest as to avoid being too similar and getting us sued.
Scott: Top work.
Joker: Did you know that my sidekick was drugging me?
Spider: Where is she?
Joker: Hospitalized. Took a chunk of volcanic pumice to the forehead after the tragedy at the Kentucky Derby.