Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: From Oosa

I'm from Oosa.

Oh, where is that? Scotland?

What? No. It's a country.

Oh? Where?

Do you know Canada?

Oh, it’s in the Canada?

Just south of it.

I thought your accent sounded American.

Yeah, a lot of Oosans just call ourselves Americans. I don't. I think it's impolite to all the other countries.

Oosa is in South America?

No, just south of Canada.

Is it an island?

Only part of it. Havay-ee.


Yes. It’s in the Pacific.

Oosa is?

Only the part that is Havay-ee.

What else is there?

Forty-nine other states in it.

There are fifty states in Oosa?

I’m surprised the Eeyuh doesn’t educate people on it.


You know. This place.

You’re in Britian, sir.

Which is part of the Eeyuh.

Wait a minute. Are you just pronouncing the acronym for “U.S.A?”

No. That’s the pronunciation for “E.U.”

Firstly, don’t do that. You make it sound disgusting.

So sorry, but that's how you spell it.

Secondly, I’ve never heard anyone pronounce it like that before.

Do you go to Oosa often?

We get a lot of television. You talk about yourselves a lot on it.

Oh, you like Oosan tiv?

Stop that.


  1. This tickled my funny bone just right. I love your pieces of just dialogue.

  2. you funny man. good thing these guys don't lishp.

  3. Well, I had haggis once in Britain and it did taste like something eeyuh.

    I live in DeeCee. Which is the boss of Oosa.

    Love this. Even though there's no dirty talk, as you apparently promised a number of us. :D

  4. Umm...that would be the entry for the upcomming 'All-American' week?

    Very cleaver dialogue. Would the man from Oosa really apologise to the EU man for making it sound disgusting?

  5. Glad people are enjoying this!

    Marisa, sorry it wasn't dirty enough for you. I'll see what I can do for lewd fiction in the future.

    Alan, I'm out of the loop. What is All-American Week?

  6. Very nice, definitely gave me a laugh.

  7. This is made all the better because the French and Italians have been know to refer to the USA as exactly that - oosa. No oosans though. :)


  8. Sorry, John...just a poke at Michaei's upcomming 'All-Canadian' week.

  9. Read it twice... You're kinda dead on... I mean, on the weekends, I love going down to A.C. ... ;)

  10. Wow, thank you folks. It meant a lot to me to get so much positive feedback on this phonetic experiment.

  11. Oosa...I never thought of it that way!


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