Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Bathroom Monologue: Childese

Patter. Patter, patter. Spatter.

He opens the door and darts inside before much rain gets inside, then closes the door as quietly as he can. He doesn’t want to wake her.

Squilp. Squilp. Squilp. Groan.

He takes off his shoes and hangs them to dry.

Shiver. Pad. Pad. Pad. Pad. Preek.

Oh, the darned stairs. How many times has he put off fixing those?

Preek. Preeeeeeeeek. Preeeek.

He waves a fist to threaten the steps.

Prek. Prek. Prek. Preeeeeeeek.

On the verge of swearing, he notices a light. The door’s ajar, and a lamp’s on in his room.

Preeeek. Creep, creep, creep.


He pauses in the doorway. He smiles.


She’d fallen asleep waiting. There’s a Danielle Steel open across her chest.

Pad. Pad, pad pad. Click.

Out goes the light as he slides under the covers next to her.

“Good night, Maya.”


And so he joins her snoring.


  1. Squilp - yep, I'm squilping around this AM myself. This piece reminds me of the years I spent in childhood mentally cataloguing every squealing floorboard in the house so that I could sneak into the kitchen at 2 AM and nab a snack.

    1. The stairs here are very creaky. I'm told this room was intended to be an attic and so they didn't put as much effort into a stable staircase. I don't see why you'd ever make that decision, personally.

  2. Is onomatopoeial a word? Because it should be, if only to be coined for the sole purpose of describing this. It's like a tone poem.

    1. If people invent non-derogatory words to describe my work, I feel like that's a major victory.

  3. Heehee, love the sound effects. Gotta wonder what he was doing out there at O-dark-thirty though. I have to remember the two squeaky floorboards in the hallway, and one on the living room floor, that I have to dodge or slide across to get to the kitchen. Then again, when Mason & Skylar are asleep, a few squarky floorboards don't disturb them at all.

    1. "O-dark-thirty" is my favorite phrase of the week. Thank you.

  4. This was so fun and ended so sweetly.

  5. Does Danielle Steele often put you to sleep?

    1. I've not read much of her work, but I have found multiple unconscious women, asleep with her on their chests.

  6. I've never read Danielle Steele (am I missing anything?) Really like the sound effects - I try to avoid the squeaky boards when I get up at night.

  7. Loved the sound effects - she must have been a sound sleeper ^_^


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