Thursday, August 23, 2012

Bathroom Monologue: Gyration Narration

“Jesus, what’s wrong with you?”

“Hang on, hang on… it’ll pass.”

“Are you dancing at me? What the Hell is that?”

“It’s a neuromuscular syndrome. It’s complicated. My nerve-endings are messed up, and there these muscle spasms. Give me a minute.”

“It’s a what?”

“It’s kind of like muscular dystrophy, I guess.”

“It’s like what?”

“How about Parkinson’s? Not that it’s really like that, but...”

“What’s Parkinson’s?”

“You’ve never seen Michael J. Fox? Jesus. Okay, what about nerve damage?”

“I’m not really into that.”

“Into…? Listen, you ever thrown out your back?”


“Then why am I talking to you? Get the fuck away from me and get some life experience.”


  1. I've said this before, but I love dialogue only stories. Sadly, I know people this ignorant.

  2. And aren't muscle spasms vile. Vile, I say. And yes, sadly there are indeed people this naive.

  3. This made me laugh because I know it could have just as easily happened the afternoon before you wrote it, and probably did -- in several different places, to several different people. I love the line, "Are you dancing at me?" 'Cos of course it's all about them, not the person with the spasms. Frack me.

  4. Try explaining it to a Mexican dentist who doesn't speak english while undergoing dental surgery.
    It was easier to explain to the couple I woke up with in Vegas. At least they spoke english.

    1. As far as I'm aware Danni and Carlos both speak English and neither of them are qualified dentists.

  5. Hmm I'm sure there are people like that around in the world, I just hope I don't ever meet them. ^_^


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