Bathroom Monologue: What would I do…?, OR, Recently unearthed, one of the original Bathroom Monologues was a mental comic strip

[Panel 1]
-Jesus walks up to the edge of the land. Beyond him is lava, completely blocking his passage.

[Panel 2]
-Jesus looks down to his WWJD charm bracelet.
Jesus: What would I do…?

[Panel 3]
-Jesus looks happy.
Jesus: Oh, right!

[Panel 4]
-Jesus looks up at the sky, shouting.
Jesus: Daaaad!

Bathroom Monologue: So It Is Written

[Panel 1]
God: At first I wanted the Bible to be accurate since, you know, that might be important eventually. But I kept running into problems like:

[Panel 2]
[Flashback]
Joshua: And over millions of years monera evolved into prota--
Peasant: What's a "million?"

[Panel 3]
[Flashpresent]
God: The second time I had to give a prophet an epiphany on what a triceratops was, I said, "Fuck it. Everything in 6,000 years."

Bathroom Monologue: Somebody illustrate this already

Lo: I don't like that noise....
Shinigami: What noise?
[The room explodes with a big "Boom" sound effect]
[Moments later, Lo and Shinigami climb out of the rubble]
Lo: For posterity, it was the faint hissing noise that I didn't like. But in retrospect, I believe I like the "boom" slightly less.