Bathroom Monologue: Backed Up

Bakton was a city of some one thousand and five hundred people with two sheriffs. Considering Bakton was a brewery town, the sheriffs were overworked, and hence they were liberal to dub people deputies. Their first, Gene, was deputized on the sheriffs' first day on the job when they were giving him a friendly ride to his flophouse and stumbled across a robbery. They went in and foiled the robbers, but had Gene not been waiting outside blocking the door, the gunman would have gotten away. Instead he ran away without looking and rammed full-speed into him, knocking the wind out of Gene, and just plain knocking himself out. When Gene caught his breath, he was handed a badge. Most of his career was spent guarding an exit and helping old ladies across the street, but it was still powerfully nice of him. He saved on bills by sleeping in the empty cells at the jail instead of renting a room; on the nights when there were no free cells, he was too busy to sleep anyway. He was the first at the station when they needed help, the first they called into the car for an emergency, and the first they handed a beer to on Friday. He was the first to save a sheriff's life when he jumped on a bandit's pistol. He was the first the sheriff's department recommended to the academy, and the first to turn the academy down. Why? He didn't think the job would suit him.