Alan Davidson hit me with the most recent blog game. This one’s to answer a questionnaire and pass it on to those who you think will give the most entertaining answers. If you didn’t get this, please feel free to prove me wrong by being hilarious in the comments.
Are you a rutabaga?
You are what you eat. So, no.
When was the last time you ate lion meat?
In a past life as a jackal, when a cub strayed too far from the shade of the tree. I hated children even then.
Upload a heartwarming picture of something that makes you smile.
If you could go back in time and kick the crap out of someone, who would it be?
You'd actually have to go back in time to find a version of me who would want to go back in time and kick the crap out of somebody. I'm disappointingly peaceful these days. Maybe teenage-me would like to go forward in time and kick my ass for being too nice.
What song would you like to be playing while you are kicking the crap out of someone?
Name one habit that makes other people plot your demise.
It's been scientifically demonstrated that after immoral cheaters, people most dislike the highly moral and friendly people. In one test they were the second group to be eliminated, and respondents claimed it was because their persistent altruism made them feel bad about themselves.
Bring it on, assholes. I've got a hug waiting for you.
Where da muffin top at?
Inside me, because it's the first part I eat.
How many goats, stacked atop one another like Yertle’s Turtles, would it take to reach the moon?
Trick question. As REACHING FOR THE MOON clearly shows, if you got them near enough to the moon its ravenous inhabitants would devour them.
Describe yourself using obscure Latin words.
Why does evil exist?
Because you're all fucking ingrates and while it's an imperfect system and could be vastly improved for this or that end, you don't really deserve more.
Tag five people who will have amusing answers if they choose to do this. No hard feelings if not, of course. But it’ll be fun (or a decent time-waster)!
1. Tim Van Sant
2. Chuck Allen
4. Mr. FAR
Pick a funny nickname for number 1.
I already have one. In my head, every time I talk to him, he’s “Tim Van Dam,” a lesser known ECW superstar. He probably doesn’t know what that is, but it’d be great if I could get him to do the thumb poses.
Make up a rhyme about number 2.
“Ballin” Chuck Allen. He will roll you.
Where would number 3 hide in the event of the apocalypse?
On the front lines.
Where does number 4 purchase pants?
From the children’s aisle. I presume he buys Mason pants far more frequently than he buys them for himself. Related, I dream of the day when I hit the age and shape when clothes shopping is a pure novelty.
What would number 5′s favorite dance move be?
I just assume we both dance like Snoopy from Peanuts.