Friday, May 23, 2008

Bathroom Monologues: Theorobotics

"We were stunned to find each robot had two 144-terabyte processors devoted to every possible religion, constantly active, but separate from all other processes. We assumed these ruthlessly logical killing machines would be atheists if they had any comprehension of the matter at all, but they pointed out that planning for every contingency was how they conquered us. They even had a line of code that would make them repent for one particular set of beliefs right as they ceased to function, during the micro-instant when they might get a peak into the afterlife, correlating to whatever was most probable based on whatever phenomena was observed in the micro-instant. If there were no afterlife or phenomena to judge, the code would terminate along with the rest of the robot, so it wouldn’t matter. Each killing machine was completely resigned to all possible fates, including the absence of one. We found this almost as disturbing as the small cult of sentient calculators in Australia that believed in a post-Hinduist form of reincarnation, wherein computers were the second highest caste, and that smoothly executed processes were reincarnated as the highest form: the oneness of entropy."

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