Monday, October 20, 2008

Bathroom Monologue: Capitalism at its Finest

Then
“Why do I want a digital TV? I already have a nice big screen.”
“Well the ten channels that get the digital signal come in a little clearer. The audio is cleaner.”
“It’s not really $900 cleaner…”
“That’s fine.”

Two years later
“Why do I want a flat screen TV?”
“You see, there’s less glare on the surface. No so many reflections.”
“I don’t really notice the glare on my current TV, and I definitely wouldn’t enjoy a totally shineless television $1,100 more than my current one.”
“That’s fine.”

Three more years later
“What’s a high def TV?”
“High Definition television.”
“Why do I want that?”
“On the right channels the colors are much richer, especially the blacks. You get a much clearer picture. Here, check out this BluRay disc.”
“What is a BluRay?”
“The next generation of DVD’s. You’ll have to buy them, too. And a new player.”
“Will it at least play my old ones?”
“No, but that’s okay, because they’ll look ugly on the HD set. You want BluRay. See?”
“Oh, you’re kind of right. I can see more of Robert Downey Jr.’s moles and kind of make out where they put the make-up on him. Also the CGI is more obvious. Huh. … This is actually making television less fun. And you say it’s $1600?”
“Only this weekend. It’s a special.”

Two years even later
“Why am I buying this TV, again?”
“Well next year they’re going to start broadcasting only in digital format soon, so if you want to watch TV you’ll need a new one. And the only digitals we really sell now are high def flat screens.”
“I guess I’ll take it,” he said, pulling out his checkbook. “You don’t know if they make special definition checks that make the same money worth twice as much, do you?”
“Not yet.”

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