Friday, January 15, 2010

Helping the Nice Guy

Today's story, "Helping the Nice Guy," is over at Short.Story.Me. It's a crime story about a pickpocket who messes with the wrong guy: the nice guy. The Family is unhappy and now somebody's car is on fire.

Comments and criticism are welcome. You can leave anything you'd like to say in the Comments below this post.

You can read John Wiswell's "Helping the Nice Guy" here: http://www.short-story.me/crime-stories/129-helping-the-nice-guy.html

23 comments:

  1. That was just superb. Loved the concept, just brilliant. I think the fiction I most appreciate is the sort that comes alive in my head, and that played out like a Tarantino scene.

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  2. Wow, Anton! Thank you. That's very flattering.

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  3. John, that was a great story with fabu dialogue. I agree with Anton, very much a Tarantino feel to this one. Nice guy indeed. Peace, Linda

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  4. Excellent work! I know it's been said twice already in similar ways, but I think this would make a great film short. Your dialogue is fantastic.

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  5. Just wonderful! The scene, the setting, the dialogue.

    Feel bad for the guy though. After he returns the wallet, he's still going to get whacked!

    I've seen the movies. This is the way it has to be. :)

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  6. You can see the characters, feel the vibe. Love it.

    Took Inning a while to get the point, poor sot.

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  7. True-to-life characters. Brilliant dialogue. Great story, John.

    I agree with Anton, reading this story was just like going to the cinema to see a top notch movie.

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  8. I especially liked the waitress texting, nice touch.

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  9. John... John! This is so vivid and so honest. I'm floored, and delighted. It reads like you've been writing in these characters' world for your whole life. Thank you.

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  10. I'm with Anton and Linda - very Tarantino. I liked the way he talked with his sandwich doing the pointing. Superb story, John!

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  11. This was really well done. The voice, the setting, the fear... all very convincingly played out.

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  12. Never mess with the nice guy--especially if he's the nice guy of someone with a gun. Fabulous! And I agree the dialogue was superb.

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  13. Wow! I agree with Anton--brilliant concept--and excellently played out. Would definitely make a great film short!

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  14. Man, that was simply awesome. Your dialogue was perfect and the concept was brilliant. It was as if I was sitting in the booth next to them that's how vivid it was. Fantastic.

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  15. Agree on cinematic feel, especially the dialogue about the third person to call. Tight, bold writing. Theme is too familiar, but the writing carries my interest as does the entertaining dialogue.
    -David G Shrock

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  16. Good work John, and I too agree on the Tarantino-esqueness (that is most definitely not a word) of it.

    One thing that confused me a little was whether Aldo's nice guy was Inning or the guy whose wallet was stolen?

    I thought it was the other guy when I first read the sentence but "I'll pick up the check" seemed to point to Inning being his nice guy?

    Or am I reading too much into the last line?

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  17. Thank you for all the kind words! The enthusiasm in your comments are a real thrill for me.

    Mazz, I appreciate somebody trying to read in so deeply! I feel a little awkward explaining my piece (never like it when writers do that, seems condescending), but if you'd like to know my belief, I'll tell you. Aldo's premiere nice guy is the victim, hence why that "dumb ass" was the third person he called when his son was born. Inning is an old friend, so Aldo intervenes in this situation, but it's still a friend Vs. a nice guy. He's not horrible: Inning is only alive because of Aldo. Aldo is treating him as close to a nice guy as he can, given that Inning is a thief and knows about the Family (enough to have called Aldo hoping he'd make this go away), traits suggesting Inning is only so "nice." It's the difference between paying for the meal and letting him walk several miles to the bank and victim's house. Does that make sense?

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  18. i followed it from the beginning.. maybe because i'm sicilian? aha!!

    tight story, john... well written, well presented, great dialogue.


    take care of that knee.

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  19. Compelling reading, John. Aldo is 300lb's of nice guy! The dialogue rips along with a lovely 'honour-among-thieves' feel. And I liked the ending very much - a refreshing twist on the blown away in the booth finale, especially when you'd shown us the gun.
    ~Simon.

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  20. I'm a HUGE QT fan, and yeah this was rapid-fire talk over seemingly small but very important details. Loved it Jim. I really admire your mind's inner workings.

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  21. It also cool to have people return from the other site to leave a comment. I expect feedback to be way down, but you folks are actually typing longer comments than usual for #fridayflash. It's very flattering, as is Carrie's support for the Tarantino comparison. But Carrie called me Jim - I wonder if you've confused me with Jim Wisneski? If so I couldn't blame you. Even I've misread his name as mine once or twice.

    Cycler, thank you for liking Aldo. I actually like him, too, and am glad somebody would pat him on the back.

    Quin, I am taking care of this blasted knee. Got a brace yesterday and I think forcing it into place is helping. Felt a little bit better today even with it off.

    Cheers, all!

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  22. Excellent story. I loved the dialogue. It played out really well, making this one seem like it could really be happening.

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  23. You know, this reminded my of Get Shorty...one of my all time favorite movies! Agree-awesome job with the dialog and I do like Aldo...I think he's a nice guy. :-)

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