Despite what I write, people often ask, “Do you have kids?”
And I reply, “Let me check the refrigerator.”
And they say, “That’s not funny.”
And I say, “Well I don’t stock up until Thursdays. If I’d known you wanted them so bad I would have gone shopping over the weekend.”
They get indignant. “Horrible things are done to children every day.”
I get indignant. “Not enough horrible things, or else the brats would know to stay off my lawn.”
They say, “John, you don’t own a lawn.”
And I’ll say, “How’d you get in here? Did the children send you?”
They ask what I’m talking about.
“Don’t lie to me. I can smell the lollipops on you.”
They back away, but never quickly enough. And it’s my house. I know the terrain.
That’s why I don’t have to stock up on children until Thursdays. Child-sympathizers taste just as good given another half hour in the pressure cooker.
Yes, sympathizers can be a little tough. Here's a tip: add a dash of tobasco to the pot to get rid of the blandness.
ReplyDeleteThey keep longer in the freezer. I like Laurita's seasoning tip. John, I think you have the heart of a horror writer.
ReplyDeleteDon't you have a problem with leftovers though?
ReplyDeleteOh Alan, I've got a few of them in the tupperware. Just a moment.
ReplyDelete(Glad people are playing along! This kind of humor has gotten me into trouble lately.)
It all tastes like chicken anyway, doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteI've got a couple you can add to the pot. They're a little on the skinny side but I have been trying to fatten them up.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who was a student just recently, I prefer just to get take away -- cooking and storing is far too much effort.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to make you a shirt that says, I am the troll under the bridge, to warn off wayward children.
ReplyDelete