Friday, April 23, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: The .lit Revolution

New .lit files aren’t just rich text files – they’re enriched text files. Download one directly to any internal mind hard drive, and a .lit file will cause you to remember everything the author thought as she wrote her book. From the first day she sat down at the computer through the drafting process, you’ll know the intention of every single word. Where an annotated version can only give you footnotes, .lit simultaneously allows you to remember up to sixteen revisions of the same sentence with perfect 64-bit clarity.

Gone will be the mystery of what was allegory and what was accident. Gone will be scholarly and message board debates over an author’s feelings. Does fiction reveal autobiographical information? You’ll never know unless you get the .lit.

And using existing .lib ™ technology, .lit files will give you a full memory of having read the book, without the hassle of actually experiencing it. No hardcover prices. No waiting for e-reader editions. No hours of sitting there listening to an audiobook narrator. No, with .lit you will remember the book perfectly without ever having had to experience it.

The .lit revolution hits this fall with twelve blockbuster titles from premiere authors. Feel the fear in a Horror novelist’s gut as he tries to write his protagonist out of a corner. Feel a poet laureate’s soul sing as difficult meter is achieved. Some readers may wonder how we get writers to plug themselves into a USB for the entire writing process, but don’t worry – it’s entirely ethical and the compensation is highly competitive. Pre-order your .lit copies today and you’ll receive bonus content: memories of having been at the author’s release party, accessible to you before the book even comes out!

31 comments:

  1. Love this concept, John... A great read... If only, right?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Excellent concept well executed too. Really strong piece. Well done.

    marc nash

    ReplyDelete
  3. I would hate reading experiences like this. Why do you read a book if you don't want your own imagination and thoughts?

    This story kind of scared me. (And I see dead people. *g*)

    ReplyDelete
  4. That was truly horrifying. A nice comment on our times when everyone wants everything instantly.

    ReplyDelete
  5. How do you think up this sh#@?

    The real problem is, you write it so realistically, I feel like I'm inside a commercial--tm and all.

    Again, you made me laugh while probably writing the most frightening flash of the week.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yes this is scary... and so perfectly encapsulates generation x/y. We want everything now, with as little effort as possible. And then we wonder where the mystery, magic and enchantment of things has disappeared to.

    Were you a copywriter in another life?

    ReplyDelete
  7. As I read this, the little wannabe grad student inside me rears his head and growls about the death of the author.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Does it make me weird that I want this product? :) As much as I love psychology, this would be a fun experience, I think, but of course I'd want the finished product too, not just the writer's angst.

    Your imagination continues to astound John.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Another one of my favorites :D
    Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  10. precise how it should be. is the pleasure after all in the reading or in the emotions evoked? quite a conundrum you've unveiled here.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Goodness! If anyone really knew what I think about as I write, they would be so underwhelmed.

    This is scary because it could be something not far off. Am sure that readers of Jules Verne laughed at the idea of a submersible boat!

    While scary, it is also a very good read. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  12. This would basically negate everything I was ever taught in school about dismissing authorial intent. I, for one, am firmly against it.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I think we're looking at the future of the book business here. I'm guessing mere mortals will be disappointed at how many authors get their ideas, however. And I'm afraid of both the publisher's price and cut of books that one can read without actually having to read them.

    Nice one!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I tried speed reading, but this sounds better. Sign me up for a download!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I forgot to say - love the new look!

    And of course, after reading Karen's Comment Gobbler story, I had to make sure my comment, (and you for that matter John), were still here. :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. The next version is .art which will allow you to understand exactly what an artist intended for his or her artwork to convey and why. You won't need it for Thomas Kincaide because, well, sometimes a cottage is just a cottage.

    Loved this one John. Any book lovers nightmare.

    ReplyDelete
  17. It's fun to see people reviled by this or wishing it were real. I think both impulses are there. I've got over 100 unread books in boxes and on shelves right now. Going through some of them in a flash would seem so tempting. But to lose your personal experience of a book? To turn authors into literary pundits on their own works?

    Glad a little conversation is coming from this bit of scifi. Happy to hear everyone's opinion on it (on the quality of my writing, or the fictional idea), even if you dread it all.

    ReplyDelete
  18. OMG ... I can feel my anatomical hard drive crashing at the thought of such a read.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh, no. When a reader comes up with something totally brilliant that I didn't see in my own work I want to be able to say, "Of course I meant that!"

    ReplyDelete
  20. Scary stuff. And not all that far-fetched.

    You just make it seem so normal. I think that may be what's so frightening about it. I'm sure Apple's working on it right now. :)

    Nicely done.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I don't know whether to laugh or be frightened...

    Potent stuff here!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I'm with Laura -- not sure whether to be intrigued or horrified by the idea. There are some authors whose minds I don't want to spend time in. I'm afraid my readers would find my writerly angst quite boring. :)

    CD

    ReplyDelete
  23. If it's 19.99 I am soooo in (of course it's not... sounds more like 3 easy installments of 59.95) ;-)
    ~2

    ReplyDelete
  24. Sometimes I wish people could read my stories as I see them in my own mind. But, then again, the other stuff we'd probably all rather keep to ourselves.

    Great concept!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Awesome! Why didn't you tell me about this BEFORE I started school???

    Loved this. You really did capture our culture (sadly) all too well.

    ReplyDelete
  26. 2mara, I think we're looking at a sizeable upfront cost, followed by deceptively low per-unit price points. You could get the new Margaret Atwood for $9.98.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Genius concept and I love the shadowy idea of authors plugged into the USB by force to suck out their every thought about their work.

    Great idea brilliantly executed.

    ReplyDelete
  28. This was well thought-out, well-executed, believable, and on top of that funny! Love the new look of your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Love it, John. Great good fun. Does it come in designer colors?
    ~jon

    ReplyDelete
  30. Due to an ironic design flaw you can get it in any color so long as it isn't black.

    ReplyDelete

Counter est. March 2, 2008