Thursday, May 13, 2010
Bathroom Monologue: How much does a shit ton weigh?
We say “I have a shit ton of work.” “I have a shit ton to do tomorrow.” It’s being used as a proper unit, so we’re left to ask just how much the average shit ton weighs. It's tempting to say it weighs a ton. But is it a metric ton? For a metric ton weighs 1,000 kilograms, where a proper ton weighs 2,000. That's a big variance. And what if the ton is moist? Because moisture weighs a solid down, so ton of dry turds would likely have less general volume. Is water weight extra? Or maybe shit tons refer to food consumed - the shit produced after eating a ton of food. In that case the weight of your shit ton would vary wildly based the metabolism of your excreters. Even if they were just retaining water that day. Also, if it's the weight of pre-digested food, are we handling pre-cooked weight or post-cooked weight? Hamburgers sweats off several ounces on the grill. A pre-cooked, pre-digested shit ton could weigh a lot.
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In my neck of the woods we say "shitload" as opposed to shit ton, which avoids the whole complicated issue of what that ton actually weighs.
ReplyDeleteJohn, my friend, have you been in the bathroom too long?
I was going to say the same thing as Cathy...a 'shit ton' must be an American term. We tend use the more vague 'shitload' thereby not obsessing over the actual moisture contente, etc...
ReplyDelete"Shitload" is common in the U.S., but recently "shit ton" has emerged to replace it, being a merger of statements like "I have a shitload of work" and "I have a ton of work." I wouldn't be surprised if its usage explodes such that it reaches Canada, where I hope your openness to the Metric system helps you debunk this bizarre unit of weight. But as it is, "shitload" is even less precise, depending upon the size of the platform and how high they are allowed to pile it.
ReplyDeleteCathy, I have probably been in the bathroom too long.
I would say, if we're talking "shit ton," amount doesn't matter, just weight. It's just however much shit it takes to get to 2000 lbs. (U.S.) It might be a lot less, per volume, of heavy shit, but a shitload of dry, less heavy shit. But, again, as long as it all adds up to 2000 lbs. (U.S.), you have a "shit ton."
ReplyDeleteOf course, if the phrase "shit volume" takes off, we're up shit's creek with a shit ton of trouble...
Well, the government will probably have to get involved and create funding for the FDA and some of the pharmaceutical companies and the NSA to do studies about this issue. Jobs will be created. Perhaps a new source of energy discovered...
ReplyDeleteA shit-ton of possibilities to deal with the shitload of issues we face will open up.
...Too funny, John. :-)
I'm fond of the term "metric assload"
ReplyDeleteWould it be a shit ton by any other name? methinks NOT!
ReplyDeleteAt least nobody's called it a shitty monologue yet.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading!
I would think they'd use the metric shit ton across the pond.
ReplyDeleteA metric ton doesn't weigh 1000 pounds. It weighs 1000 KILOS, or 2204 pounds.
ReplyDeleteUS Ton = 2000lbs
UK Ton = 2240lbs
Metric Tonne = 2204lbs (or 1000Kg)
actually a shit load is approximately 2.3 shit tons.....
ReplyDeleteI'm in the US, but I prefer the metric shit tonne myself.
ReplyDeleteA Shit Ton Is 1/5 Of A fuck ton
ReplyDelete