Thursday, September 23, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: Overweight smoker, 93, outlives third doctor

Franz K. Thurber is 93, not an uncommon age for this era in science, but certainly uncommon for a man with his diet. Since 1924 Mr. Thurber has had a steady intake of bacon, ham, raw eggs, potato bread and butter, with beef every Sunday, only breaking for war rationing. The biggest change to his diet was the addition of three beers a day after he turned 17.

Born at a low birth weight, little Franz concerned his mother, who hired a wet nurse to force-feed him. "To bring me up to stock," as Mr. Thurber now quotes her, adoringly. "Soon as I could eat grub, she was heaping things on my plate, and I never disappointed."

According to county medical records, Mr. Thurber hasn't weighed less than 260 pounds since the Great Depression. Today, tipping the scales at 281 pounds, Mr. Thurber espouses the same beliefs that have been driving his doctors batty since the 1950's. "I seen the time when eggs was good for ya, and bad, and good again. Bread went from a staple to a no-no. I still don't know what the **** a calorie is."

What's puzzled M.D.'s most about Mr. Thurber's case is that despite his weight and high cholesterol, he is in perfect health. "Heck, I ain't even had a cold since Eisenhower was in office," Mr. Thurber jokes. He's maintained such great shape despite poor diet and little exercise (he boasts that he only does ten sit-ups a week, and only to prove to his beer gut that he can).

"This ain't the life for everyone," Thurber states sagely in his recliner, "but I just saw my third doctor drop dead. They mean well, saved me from polio, but everyone's body is their own. Mine doesn't work the same as yours. You gotta know the ins and outs of the body you got. I know mine. If'n I went all no-carbs and vegan, I'd probably be lying next to those docs in a week."


  1. It does boggle the mind, wondering what to do. Good for him for enjoying life and having his habits work for him.

  2. What surprises me is that he had a doctor in the first place.

  3. Mmmm, potato bread.

    What were we talking about?

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. Reminds me of that old Redd Foxx joke. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

  6. I have to agree. Potato bread is awesome.

    Also this: I still don't know what the **** a calorie is. made me choke.

    Which has taught me not to laugh and drink at the same time.


Counter est. March 2, 2008