Sunday, September 26, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: Possible Origins For Him. 4.

You can listen to this monologue by clicking the triangle on the left to stream it or clicking this text to download the MP3. I got completely carried away with this recording, but decided not to do it over. Hope you like it.

“I feel so bad for you people. You’ve broken my jaw twice. My knees? Three times. I can dislocate both shoulders at will thanks to you. It still hurts, but it doesn’t matter like it used to. You think that nightstick scares me? A cattle prod? What are you going to do that you haven’t done so many times that it’s numb? You poor people. You’re gonna-- you’re still afraid of being bitten. You’re afraid of a razor on your neck! Puncture you and you squeal. But you could sink your canines into my larynx and I’d giggle. You sad tall people are still so scared of suffering. You’re going to die, you know? You’re going to suffer. I’m not going to tell you the combination and in fifteen minutes, this place will flood with gas. It in invades neuroreceptors, making them fire irrationally until the brain chokes on its own warning messages. The internet tells me it’s one of the worst ways to die. I feel so badly for you, because you’re scared of that.”


  1. Well I cheated. I followed the "origins for Him" label to try and find out what fantastic creature he was (the gas reference puzzled me). Reading all of them reveals what a great exploration of voice this is: an insane sadistic laughing super-anti-hero. Hard to exaggerate that.

  2. If you hadn't started the recording with your own normal voice, I would have been incredibly concerned!

    As it is you seem to have actor-like voice skills. It's always odd to finally hear the voice of someone you've become familiar with online, though... Have you tried audioboo at all? I've been experimenting with it recently.

  3. Mark, that's not cheating. That's being a wonderful reader! I'm glad you dug into them. There are at least three more "Possible Origins" coming. I'm saving those for October. The trick is to get a different voice for each one. I like your diagnosis - super-anti-hero. Ha!

    AM, any chance you listened to the others? I created a "Origins For Him" tag just for this series of monologues. Be curious if you preferred one voice over another. Comparing me to an actor is very flattering. I haven't relied on Audioboo as their quality isn't terrific and a good friend, Max Cantor, built me this simple embedded audio player. Do you think Audioboo is more accessible?

  4. I "cheated" and read Mark's comment before the story. I like this one the best so far, both the story and the voice. The recording is quieter on this one compared to the others. The voice on 3 didn't work for me.

    I like Audioboo for sharing and streaming audio, but I don't like their embedded flash player. I like Cantor's player much better, but on the iPad I can't listen and read simultaneously.

  5. That laugh at the end got me, man ... super creepy...

  6. Such an intriguing series. Loving each installment.
    Adam B @revhappiness

  7. There's only thing worse than a neurotoxic gas attack and that's the fear leading up to a neurotoxic gas attack. My favourite episode so far!


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