Friday, November 26, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: Me, Myself and You


You take a hundred dollars and tomorrow's newspaper. Bet everything on and win the first, second and third races. In the fourth, bet a thousand on the most favored horse that loses. Sit out the fifth, then bet everything and win the sixth and seventh. Blow five thousand on any horse you like that loses in the eighth. Before the ninth, go up to the window and make a show of being unable to pick a horse. Even ask the teller for his advice. He won't say anything – every man can see enough of the future to know it’d get him fired. Wind up not betting on any of them and go home for the day with your winnings, which will be comfortably over a hundred thousand.

It's not the millionaire's scoop you want. I know because I wanted it, back when I was you. But you've got to lose some of the time, and never come out ludicrously far ahead. Humility is a smokescreen, and in time you’ll come to realize owning just one percent of the company that topples Apple makes you plenty rich enough. It's a principle you'll soon be applying in the Commodities Market, in politics, and at the lab when you purposefully get every equation wrong and convince the company that these new particles are useless. Your co-researchers cannot be allowed to figure out time travel too. This only works if we're the only one in on it - me, myself, and you.

20 comments:

  1. Using time travel to scam... Ah, the classic themes never get old; do they? :)

    Nicely done. I like the advice about losing sometimes.

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  2. Nicely done, John. A well written piece.

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  3. Ohhhhh this is clever. I wasn't sure where you were going with it at first but then it all ties neatly together and makes me go "I wish I'd written this".

    Very sage advice, actually. No one suspects a loser...

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  4. Nice one John, let's not be too greedy eh? We can always go and win some more when this runs out.

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  5. I liked this :) I spent the entire first paragraph trying to figure out the con and then you brought up toppling Apple & I was all "Huh?" Great use of the time travel plot device :)

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  6. Brilliant and to the point. I love the nice twist that pulls it all together.

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  7. Got to love a thief smart enough to get away with it with no one knowing. Even if it's you. ;-)

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  8. Time traveling to the track is a dream of mine. Good thinking on throwing the co-researchers off, as a matter of fact it seems you've put an awful lot of thought into this...Don't bogart the time machine Wiswell! I won't tell a soul, I promise. Just put my paycheck on Mine That Bird to win the 2009 Kentucky Derby!

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  9. I think that would actually work. The trick is not to get too greedy.

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  10. I don't know that I couldn't share the secret with someone! What a lonely life, even if it's financially comfortable. Interesting story!

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  11. I'm with Harry.
    I think it's my dream, too! I love stories that make you want to do something like this. This is a good one!

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  12. Got a vivid image of a more intellegent Biff Tannen. *L* VERY nice set up and probably good advice if any of us discover time travel. : )

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  13. Will you finally buy the guitar now? winky face

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  14. Nice one, John. It's the greed that does most of them in, but this guy's too clever to get sucked in by that.
    ~jon

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  15. Really cool idea explored so proficiently. Crisp prose and sage advice.
    Adam B @revhappiness

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  16. I love this story...reading it and hearing it read. Nice time travel piece.

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  17. Very nice! Let me in on the secret and I'll give you half my winnings.

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  18. Cool concept well executed ... but I agree with whoever it was that said it would be a lonely life. Maybe I'm not as money-hungry as I thought I was.

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  19. Clever, very clever and well thought out. Like it - thanks for sharing

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