Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Bathroom Monologue: Pitiful Lex

"I always suspected it, Lex. The Flash’s nemeses control ice and light. The Green Lantern clashes with alien gods. So why does he have you? If he’s almighty, why not feud with a clone of himself? Or a robot? Why a pathetic stock broker? He could punch clean through your head and not even leave a frame of evidence on the surveillance cameras. You’re not even a fight. There were two options. Option One: the big man was on the take, and you were secretly funding him. But his powers are tried and tested. He has a summer home on the moon. He doesn’t need your money, and he routinely destroys your military inventions. You couldn’t help him if you wanted to. That leaves Option Two: he pities you. He lets you think you’re smart and powerful and that for the sixteenth time he’s been fooled by a kryptonite ring. He’s diagnosed you like I have, as a petty waste of intellect, an obsessive parasite who desperately needs him. He’s your hero. Lucky you."


  1. You're really at your best when you write these. You and Monmon should get together and create the Graphic Novel to End All Graphics Novels.

  2. Yeah that's always puzzled me too. Normally the heroes have to rise to defeat somebody impossibly better than them.

    Good story.


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