Friday, June 1, 2012

Bathroom Monologue: Love Like Lightning

Do you remember the day we met?

That thunderstorm? Of course.

So you don’t, then. It was sunny.

I only came out during the rain, hon. It’s when my father lost concentration. He gets carried away throwing lightning at unbelievers.

Maybe it was sprinkling and you split a relatively clear sky to get a better look at me.

That is not what happened.

How do you remember it?

It was pouring, and your silly costume clinging to you, and your lip was split, and you were running for your life.

I was in a scuffle that day. That’s true. They stole an old lady’s purse, and someone has to stand up to injustice.

Running for your life. Hair plastered to your scalp from all the rain.

It might have been sprinkling.

I thought it was very unfair for you to be against four at the same time.

I knew you didn’t remember. It was eight.

Maybe you saw eight eventually. They were really knocking you around.

It was not my best day. I’m not good on sunny days. All that heat.

You just would not give them the purse back, even when they went to crush your head under a trash can. You’re always adorable when you’re doomed. I couldn’t help myself, and so I came down. I landed in-between you and them.

I remember that view. The look.

I was facing them. You couldn’t see me.

Oh, I know. I had the full view up your skirt. The sun was coming between your knees, because it wasn’t raining, and it cast a lovely color across them.

You’re terrible.

No, you were terrible. You tore apart eight men.

Four. And I didn’t kill anyone.

Merely electrified them into unconsciousness.

Lightning does that.

I wondered why a girl that pretty would help me.

Not why lightning would help you?

It was a lovely view.

You’re terrible.

Your father was terrible. I thought God was angry at us.

He’s a god, and he was very unhappy. He’ll never forgive me.

I didn’t understand what he was saying, but that voice would make any language obvious. The vitriol. Also, the giant head in the clouds. I thought I was brain-damaged.

If you were worried about head-trauma, why did you come over to me?

I thought you were going to drown on the sidewalk. Hunched on the concrete as the flood waters started rising. The pelting rain, the waters coming out of the gutters around you. It was like it hurt you. Like you couldn’t look up anymore. So I figured, offer her an umbrella.

So it was pity?

It was head trauma.

You could barely stand and you were trying help me?

Well, maybe I’d pass out, but you didn’t look like you could swim, and I had a secret. I’m buoyant.

Now that part is true.


  1. I found this conversation to ring true. The origin story of how one met another can be very confusing. I liked it! :D

  2. I enjoyed this all the way through. Nice one.

  3. I also enjoyed this, the dialogue was very entertaining!

  4. Great story telling - loved it all

  5. I had to stop halfway through and begin again before it dawned on me it was gods and not superheroes. (I blame it on seeing the Avengers.) I do like stories told entirely by dialogue, although I find it difficult and have never managed one properly. So, well done!

  6. John, you are simply outstanding at telling a story through dialogue alone, a feat most of us can only dream of. Great story!

  7. I may have been away for a while, but your imagination is just as I left it :-)
    Always entertained here!

  8. "You're always adorable when you're doomed." Of all the lines that I liked in this, I think this was my favorite. It took me a couple tries to parse the conversation, but it was worth it.

  9. "If you were worried about head-trauma, why did you come over to me?

    I...So I figured, offer her an umbrella.

    So it was pity?

    It was head trauma."

    Clearest here is the deep fondness these two have for each another. The fondness that gets laid down over many years together. The foundation of their relationship.

    The story is well told, but the affectionate tenderness that's palpable throughout is the best part.

    It, of course, reminds me of the song - "Ah yes, I remember it well." There's the same feeling to it as is found here.

  10. Enjoyed this John. I particularly liked the disparate versions of what happens. I've heard a lot of old couples (and younger ones!) do that.

  11. Aw I really enjoyed this. Nice play back and forth.

  12. I love dialogue only stories. I was smiling the whole way through.

  13. Well done, sir. Sounds exactly like a couple who's been together for a very long time. Funny how we all remember things differently, isn't it?

  14. I loved this exchange. Clever idea and the dialogue flowed realistically. They sound like many couples I've known in my life, minus the lightening parts, of course!

  15. Cute. I like how "he" (I know there aren't sexes assigned, but that's what played in my head) implies that it was raining at least by the end of it. Nice circuitousness in this.

  16. The comedic element in the dialogue is the thing that keeps this one moving. You always achieve this with what feels like effortlessness. Well done.

  17. I had an amusing take on this John, it kinda put me in mind of that old song, "I remember it well", where actually they both remember it differently.

    If you want to have a look and a listen, you can find it here:

  18. This comment has been removed by the author.

    1. Let's try again...

      I think the chemistry between these two was great, both wanting to win the conversation, but trying to be polite about it.

  19. While these two characters have very little in common with my wife and I, I found similarities in our respective relationships. The friendly, competitive banter, the undying affection despite years of living so close to one another so there are no more secrets, etcetera, etcetera.

  20. Such sweet dialogue! Had to start over a couple times to read the dialogue right, but still. Lovely.

  21. John - I enjoyed how you showed us how they love each other, the humor, and the length of the relationship - when you disagree about a memory like that - rings true. I think it almost did not need the Zeus aspect but that's just me,

  22. I love the idea of an in-combat meet-cute, and the way the memories don't entirely mesh, but I think I would like it better with some attributions and descriptors. I had to restart a couple of times to read it correctly.

  23. Good stuff. Even the gods can't avoid the phenomena of bickering couples and subjective memories :)


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